yeah, i don't make sense.

right after i come up with a semi-valid explanation for why i never write in my blog, i all of a sudden want to write in it all of the time.

but seriously. i wrote three blogs in less than two hours last night. that's weird.

i don't even know what i want to say. i just feel like writing.
so i'm sorry if this ends up just being pointless rambling.
although, that's usually how all of my posts turn out.

i really don't want summer to be over.
i really, really don't.
but it almost is.
so i'll get over it.
i'll be fine.

lately, i've been listening to a lot of stuff i haven't listened to in a long time.
like. today i listened to relient k. and jack johnson. and the lucksmiths. wth.
i honestly don't think i've listened to relient k or the lucksmiths since freshman year.
and i very, very rarely listen to jack johnson.
i've also been listening to the postal service.
i really don't know why i stopped.
and animal collective. and arcade fire.
that doesn't seem quite as unusual to me.

uhm. everyone should go see (500) days of summer.
reason being,
it's really, really great.
make sure you pay attention to the director's note at the beginning.
you'll laugh.

i'm in a really strange mood right now.
hence the excessive rambling.
i've been really happy.
except,
i keep second guessing myself.
which i'm pretty sure i don't need to do.
but i'm doing it anyway.
but yeah.
i guess i just do that.
i think that's normal.

it may not be normal.
sometimes i get confused about that.
this one time i was talking to jordan,
and i was telling her about a conversation/scenerio that i had played out in my head earlier in the day.
except,
she didn't know what i was talking about.
apparently it's not normal.
after thinking about it,
i realized that it's kind of like talking to myself.
except.
i do it inside my head.
and i'm pretty sure everyone talks to themself inside of their head.
because, isn't that what thinking is?
maybe it was only weird because i also think for other people when i play out conversations/scenerios in my head.
but, again.
i could be wrong.
i probably am wrong.
maybe i just think incorrectly or something.
it works for me though,
so. i'm okay with it.

i find people that need to know details about everyone's lives annoying.
i mean,
it's different,
when people care.
i just feel like some people only want to know so that they know.
which i don't think is okay.
but.
even when it's because they care,
i feel like there's a difference between liking
to hear about someone's life
and expecting
that you deserve to be told.

and i realize that the purpose of blogs is to let whoever wants to know
hear/read about personal things about yourself.
and i can't filter between readers that want to know because they care
and people that only read so that they know.
but still.
i realize that.
and i'm offering this information anyway.
so it's okay.

i feel like things are working out a lot better than i expected them to at first.
i was worried to see how people would react.
but.
the people i really, really care about,
have reacted well.
and i suppose i shouldn't have expected any less.
because,
if they really cared,
they would respect my decisions.
and they do.
and i'm glad.
so i've decided that i don't care about how anyone else reacts.
because these are my decisions.
and they really don't affect many other people.
i'm really only worried about one person's reaction.
because i'm pretty sure she doesn't know.
but i think she'll figure it out soon.
and she's the only one who really has any reason to be upset about it.
and i really like this person.
and i really don't want her to be upset with me.
but i figure it's almost unavoidable.
but hopefully it's only uncomfortable for a short while.
because, like i said,
i really like this person.
and i would enjoy it very much if she didn't decide to start hating me.
because that would be sad.
but. also.
i think she has a legitimate reason to be a little upset.
or uncomfortable.
about this situation.
so.
i guess we'll see.
what happens.
with that.

i started writing with nothing to say.
except then i found lots of things to say.
which is funny
because
sometimes,
that happens the opposite way.

i hope at least some of that made sense.

the past is the past.

and today is today.

i need to remember that.

also.

i told you that i didn't write in my blog very often because i didn't have anything to say that i wouldn't say out loud.
well, i lied.
actually, i just changed my mind.
i have things to say, that i won't say
mostly because i know
if i say them
or even write them down,
things would change.
or, i would say something else,
and things would change more;
i don't want to mess this up.

so.

sometimes,
i do this thing.
i overthink things,
and make myself paranoid.
i've been doing better at avoiding this,
and i've been happy,
really happy.
but, right now,
for whatever reason,
i'm doing it again.

http://mylifeisaverage.com/

Today, I thought someone was talking to me, so I responded. They looked at me wierd, and pointed at there Bluetooth. I returned the wierd look, and pointed at my ear. I didnt have a Bluetooth in, but he thought I did, and nodded. I still feel like I won. MLIA

Today, in Science class my teacher asked us what we thought of when we heard the word "evolution". I thought of Pokemon, but I didn't say anything. MLIA.

Today, I was watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I didnt want to look into the eyes of the snake so I wouldnt die. I accidently looked. I didnt die. MLIA

FOR ELIZABETH: Today, I announced to my friends at lunch that even though I'm a jock, I love to bake as well. The whole cafeteria didn't break into song. MLIA

FOR JORDAN: Today, I had a dream that my pet crocodile died. Then I woke up and remembered I don't own a crocodile. I still felt sad. MLIA

Today, I mixed my blue shampoo and pink conditioner together to see if it would still make purple. It did. MLIA

Today I was watching Dora the Explorer. When she asked me what my favorite part was, I said "The part where you died." She said "I liked that part too." I felt proud of myself for tricking her. MLIA

When I went to go see Harry Potter, Dumbledore said "You need a shave, Harry." I felt like Dumbledore was being a hypocrite. MLIA.

Today, I read a MLIA about someone who went to Wendy's and only got 9 chicken nuggets instead of 10. I just had Wendy's for lunch and got 11 chicken nuggets instead of ten. I felt like I stole their chicken nugget. I'm sorry. MLIA.

Today, I went to an amusement park. A song I knew started playing, so started to sing and dance along. I passed another girl doing the same thing. We gave each other a look of respect. MLIA.

Today, I was working as a lifeguard by letting kids go down a slide. The only way I would let them go was if they danced. All of them danced. MLIA.

Today, I was playing a board game with my family, and I was very upset that they had left me with the red game piece, since red is my least favorite color. I won, and quietly thanked my red piece, promising it I would never discriminate again. MLIA.

Today I was listening to my ipod while playing a game on the computer. The song I was listening to was recorded live and the crowd started cheering at the same time I won the game. I felt like they were cheering for me. MLIA

Today was my birthday. Some people that I don't like very well posted "happy birthday" on my facebook wall. I like them more now. MLIA.

Today in class this boy let out a really loud sneeze. A few minutes later I let out 2 silent sneezes that no one could hear. It assured me that between me and him, id make a better ninja. MLIA

Today, while I was on my computer, people were being noisy out in the hallway, so I wanted to shut my door. It was too lazy to get up so instead I opened the window. The breeze came in through the window and shut the door. I felt very clever. MLIA

Today, I noticed how stories on MLIA have way better grammar and spelling than FML and MLIG. It made me like my average life more. MLIA.

obviously, there are more.
go look for yourself.

http://mylifeisaverage.com/

Today, I thought someone was talking to me, so I responded. They looked at me wierd, and pointed at there Bluetooth. I returned the wierd look, and pointed at my ear. I didnt have a Bluetooth in, but he thought I did, and nodded. I still feel like I won. MLIA
Today, in Science class my teacher asked us what we thought of when we heard the word "evolution". I thought of Pokemon, but I didn't say anything. MLIA.

Today, I was watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I didnt want to look into the eyes of the snake so I wouldnt die. I accidently looked. I didnt die. MLIA

sometimes

sometimes, when i feel uncomfortable, everything i say comes out wrong. usually it comes out at least 10 times more awkward than i intended. this is problematic because it makes me and whoever else is part of the conversation feel exponentially more uncomfortable.

sometimes, it's really hard for me to hide what i'm feeling. other times, i'm really good at it.

sometimes, i learn new things about myself. for example, my fears. i've known i'm deathly and irrationally afraid of oppossums. on the other hand, i'm discovering that i'm also very afraid of letting others down, leading guys on, and losing friendships. for whatever reason, i'm also weirdly afraid of rape. in small town iowa?

sometimes, i lie to others about how i'm feeling. really, i'm just trying to convince myself.

sometimes, i overthink things i want to do or so. other times, i don't think about them enough.

sometimes, i change my mind very easily. other times, i'm really stubborn.

sometimes, i'm one way. other times, i'm another. don't worry, it doesn't make sense to me either.