if you didn't already know,

my uncle has been really sick.
we found out he had brain cancer around christmas,
and he was given a very short time to live.
except, obviously,
thankfully,
they were wrong.

lately,
he's been doing a lot worse.
they decided changing his antibiotic may help.
except,
apparently, it didn't.
they have now decided to take him off of all medication,
aside from pain pills and such.
he can have as much of that as he wants.

i don't know.
it's weird
because i was never that close to my uncle.
but lately,
we've been visiting him every wednesday,
and it's apparent
that he really enjoys our company.
much more so than he enjoys the company of some others.
it's actually kind of funny.

a little less than a year ago,
i was explaining to my dad
how proud i was of my uncle
for turning his life around.
he hadn't missed an AA meeting in years.
he had picked himself up after the flood.
he was moving into a new house.
he was working out his drug problems.
he was fixing his relationship with his kids.

one minute,
his life was changing.
the next,
it began to slowly leave.

but.
he's ready to go.
and i think we're ready to let him.
we're ready for him to go to sleep
and not wake up.
that would be ideal.
we're ready for tears.
we're ready for sadness.
we're ready.

but what if we're not?
he promised my brother back in febuary,
he would make it to his first football game.
it started looking like that would be possible.
my brothers game is two weeks from today.
the nurses just let our family know
they don't think my uncle will last that long.
it probably won't happen in the next few days,
but it could very likely happen in the next week.
he may have two.
but, even if he's still around,
he probably won't be up for it.
so. that's unfortunate.

but.
at least he has something to look forward to.
something to keep his mind off of things.
something.

the thing that scares me the most
is that i don't know how i'll react.

yeah.
i don't really like talking about any of this.
so. if you want to,
you can try to bring it up.
and, i may decide i need to talk about it,
but i'll probably give you a short answer.
or, i'll change the subject.

but yeah.
this way, you don't need to ask.
you can just know.
or whatever.