one of the cutest things ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDBpQVhCMb8&eurl=http://travors.com/page/2&feature=player_embedded

credit to daniel for posting this in his facebook status.

truth. [updated]

you may be on here once, multiple times, or not at all.

thanks for being there. you may not realize it, but it means a lot.

sometimes people act like idiots. that doesn't mean you need to point it out to them. [people usually don't appreciate that...]

thanks for being less of a hoe lately. i like you when you're not a hoe.

i miss you. [even though i wish i didn't]

i don't understand your definition of friends.

i don't know what you think i think of you. [whatever it is, i have a feeling you're wrong]

i miss talking to you everyday. i wish we weren't both so busy.

i like being friends. [i don't think i want to be anything more than that.]

i'm glad he makes you happy. i hope he continues to do so.

i'm worried you're making decisions you'll regret.

i don't know you that well, but we have fun together. i think that's cool.

i hope you don't do anything stupid.

it bothers me that you hang out together. [even though that's stupid]

i don't know why i can't just get over it.

you make a lot of sense sometimes. [but not always]

i don't know what you're doing, but i wish you would stop.

i liked last year better, i think.

i really needed to do this. i'm not sure what's bothering me, but this makes me feel a lot better.

i hope you're truly happy.
i hope it's for the right reasons.
i hope it lasts.

if i didn't care, i wouldn't ask; it's that simple.

Pain

Today at youth group, we were talking about the story of Joeseph and the multi-color coat. You may not believe in God, and therefore not care a whole lot about Bible stories, but whether you beleive it or not, it has a good point to it, so keep reading.

Basically, the story is about a 17 year old named Joeseph. [i'll refer to him as joe] Joe has 11 brothers, 10 of them being older than him. His 1o older brothers are into a lot of bad stuff [rape, murder, etc] which Joe refuses to take part in. Because of this, and a few other things, Joe is his father's favorite. Joe's older brothers absolutely hate him for both these reasons. Joe's dad ends up making him an awesome coat that they're all jealous of. They end up deciding to through him in a pit and tell they're dad he got killed by wild animals. So he's sitting in this pit, and some people find him. They end up selling him into slavery.

There's a whole rest of the story [if you care enough, i'm sure you could find an online summary].

Our youth pastor made a very interesting point after going over all of this. In the whole chapter, you never hear Joeseph complain. He takes it all in stride, trusting God will help him through. This brought us into a discussion about pain.

Here are some of his general points. I'll put them in quotes even though they may not be exactly what he said.
-"hard times shape who you are. turning yourself inward and complaining just makes it harder. you need to make the best of it and learn from your experiences."
-"Take a look around the world. Compared to the hardships going on in other countries, or even in ours, your problems really aren't that major. Americans have a tendency to avoid pastes at all costs." he then explained to us that the generation of our grandparents/great-grandparents is often described as the best generation ever. They're the generation that had to experience Pearl Harbor and the Great Depression, two major American hardships. These events helped make them stronger and shaped who they are now.
-"Pain helps you grow."
-"No pain, no gain."

-then he quoted a Bible verse. James 1:2-4
"2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
basically, that verse is saying you have to work hard to become something great.

I didn't get a whole lot out of his message until the end, when he starting talking about pain. I hope you get something out of it to. I probably didn't phrase everything exactly right, so if you have questions, feel free to talk to me.

I don't understand.

I don't understand what posting sad/angry blogs is supposed to accomplish.
Unless, your goal is to hurt someone because that's what they do.

If not, I think the easiest thing to do would be to not post them at all. Keep it as a draft, in a pad of paper, or on your own private blog. Please? This goes for everyone.

I don't hate you.

Actually, I consider you one of my closest friends.

What About Everything?

Holiday quiet on these streets, except for some stubborn leaves
That didn't fall with the fall, and now they clatter in vain
Holiday sky, midnight clear
Wind is high, hard to steer
Old muffler rumbles like an old fighter plane
In search of some rest, in search of a break
From a life of tests where something's always at stake
Where something's always so far
What about my broken car?
What about my life so far?
What about my dream?
What about.....

What about everything?
What about aeroplanes?
And what about ships that drank the sea?
What about...
What about the moon and stars?
What about soldier battle scars
And all the anger that they eat?
I am not in need

Get away and come with me
Come away with me and we'll see
If I was right on that night, that a future was made
Before time takes each year, like a knife cuts it clear
It's school, then work and then life that just sharpens the blade
I think about time for fun
I think about time for play
Then I think about being done, with no resume
With no one left to blame
What about fortune and fame?
What about your love to obtain?
What about the ring?
What about....

What about everything?
What about aeroplanes?
And what about ships that drank the sea?
What about...
What about the moon and stars?
What about soldier battle scars
And all the anger that they eat?
I am not in need

Holiday quiet on these streets, except for some reason me
The hometown harbor lights bright, the sailboats clatter in vain
Holiday sky, midnight clear
Wind is high on this pier
I find it hard to complain when compared with what about...

What about everything?
What about aeroplanes?
And what about ships that drank the sea?
What about...
What about the moon and stars?
What about soldier battle scars
And all the anger that they eat?
What about...
What about aliens? What about you and me and...
What about gold beneath the sea?
What about...
What about when buildings fall?
What about that midnight phone call...
The one that wakes you from your peace?
Well, I am not, I am not, I am not in need

Freeze Frame

"i wish that we could freeze time like this photo does for us. i would give anything for it to stay like those days forever." -Jordan Thomas

This past weekend was one of the best weekends in my life so far. I can't think of one moment I wouldn't have wanted to freeze forever. I'll remember this for years to come. I may not remember every funny thing we said. I may not remember everything we laughed over.

I will remember:

running through the bean field.

sitting around the camp fire singing songs.

feeling the closest I ever have to my best friends. [literally and figuratively]

the laughter.

the happiness.

Most importantly, i'll remember the people I shared it with.

not yet.

I'm not ready for this to happen.
I'm not sure if I ever will be.
I'm not willing to risk messing things up.
Please don't push me.

oh crap.

It's happening, I can tell.
I'm not sure whether I want it to or not.
I'm going to mess something up. I just know it.

Your face is pasty 'cause you've gone and got so wasted, what a surprise.Don't want to look at your face 'cause it's makin' me sick.

My finger tips are holding on to the cracks in our foundation, and I know that I should let go, but I can't. And every time we fight I know it's not right, every time that you're upset and I smile. I know I should forget, but I can't.

i went on a walk.

I went on a walk today, a little before nine.
I didn't think, I just walked.
It was beautiful outside.
Usually, when I walk around, I bring someone to talk to, my ipod to sing to, or something to think about.
This time, I didnt.

I went on a walk to somewhere, not that I knew where that was.
Once I got there, I turned around to go back, and I ended up walking somewhere else; somewhere being a mystery this time as well.
There, I just laid in the middle of the road.
I wasn't thinking about anything, I was just sitting.

On my way home, for real this time, I decided to amuse myself by telling a story.
It was a wonderful story about the invisible shoes I was wearing; I borrowed them from Heidi.

I had quite an awesome time on this walk, even though I was all by myself.
I came back much much happier than I was before leaving.

=]
How's that for a happy post?

Opinions.

I have plenty of opinions about this blogspot nonsense.
Except, I don't think I'll write about them.
If you really want to know my opinion, all you have to do is ask.

I Can't Seem to Decide.

You've changed.
You're not the person I knew.
I don't want to be close to the person you've become.

It hurts too much to watch you make stupid decisions if I care.
So I won't.

Except... I still do.
I can't talk to you without thinking about your crew, your booze, your drugs.
Actually, it pops into my head everytime I see you, everytime someone mentions your name, everytime I see one of your friends.

Go ahead. Do whatever the hell you want. Screw up your life.
Forget the person you were. Feed yourself lies you never would have believed before.
I shouldn't care. I'm no longer a part of your life.

Except, somehow, I'm still tangled up in all of it. At least, I feel like I am.

I really cared about you.
Part of me still does. I miss who you were.
I'll pretend I'm fine, but sometimes I'm just not.
I don't understand how you can change so much, so fast.
But you have.

I guess I'll just get used to it.

I suppose I should write about my vacation...

It was pretty awesome.
(I went to a ranch in Colorado, if you didn't know.)

I went with my dad, my brother, my dad's girlfriend, and her daughter.
There was a super cute little girl there. Her name was Aubrie. She was there last year too. She liked pretending to be my puppy. [either Cecil(after her grandpa's dog) or Polly (like wonder dogs friend? idk. apparently it's a movie)]. She also thought it was awesome that my name was in hers Au[bri]e. lol. She was super cute.

I also got to see my friend Dani, who I hadn't talked to since last year. She has a facebook now, so I'm pretty excited. =]

Basically.

We left Friday morning, we had plenty of time, so we stopped early in Paxton, Nebraska to eat and get a hotel.

Saturday morning we got up and drove to Denver, Colorado. There, we picked up Connie and Erin at the airport. We spent the night at a hotel. We checked into the hotel before we picked up Erin and Connie. While bringing in our bags, we met these awesome drunk people. We later learned they were there (along with a BUNCH of other people at our hotel) were there for a rock concert. When we met them in the elevator they had just been to the store and were all carrying a few cases of alcohol. One was talking about how they're bad at judging ages, so he asked how old Jon and I were. We told him. Right after that, he told us they're room number and told us we could party with them later, if we wanted. He then added my dad could come too, but only if he was a cool dad. (my dad was a little freaked out. when he went to the airport he made us promise not to leave the room or open the door for anything.)

Sunday, we finished our drive to the ranch. We went through Cottonwood pass, where we stopped at the top to hike for a little while. When we got to the ranch, we unloaded and unpacked.

The next morning, we got our horses [mine was Sundown, he was very pretty]. Erin got the same horse she did last year. She was waaaay excited. Sara Beth took us on the trail ride. She was super nice. We saw a black horse in the pasture, and we asked what his name was. Apparently, he didn't have one. [they just called him black or something] She let us name him Onix. [like the gem stone?] =] That night was the square dance thing... 0.o It was actually pretty fun though. Erin asked Wade out. [She's almost 8. He's in college- he works there] Aubrie was my partner. She had a lot of fun. [she's way cute!]

Tuesday, we went on a ride up to have breakfest on the mountain. Afterwards, the kids played hide and seek in the woods. Exciting. That afternoon, we went white water rafting. Our raft was my dad, connie, erin, me, and my friend dani. [Plus our crazy raft guide.] His name was Eric, I think. He was seriously strange. He kept forgeting our names and stuff. Later, he said something about how he was excited for the Science-Fiction Fair that's comming to Denver. My dad told him about the concert by our hotel, when he mentioned the ampitheatre. He said something about "not being into the music scene". I don't even know. He kept talking about how his parents worked at his college. He told us they met a lot of cool foreigners there. Then he was like "There's a bunch of Latvians that are actually taking us all to the Grand Canyon this summer. Oh yeah, I forgot. I'M GOING TO THE GRAND CANYON AND YOOOURE NOOOT!" [in a little kid voice] I just laughed to myself. He also used the word awkward a lot. I wish I would have counted. It reminded me of us in Junior High... He used it at very strange times though. Half the time it didn't even fit. idk. When we got to the break spot, he was skipping rocks with us. Dani accidently hit him with one of the rocks! It was way funny. =] We rode past this statue of a girl and he told us it was his girlfriend, but she didn't have a name. We named her Emily Jane. He probably forgot.

Wednesday, we finally got to lope. (Kind of like a slow run on a horse). Ryan had warned me Sundown went into a little more than a lope, but I was expecting a gallop. (One step faster.) I had done that before, so I wasn't worried. The first time, we went faster than a gallop. (I figured it was a full-out run). The time after that, he went even faster. I was like...holy crap. He did anything to catch up to the horse in front of him. While on that ride, we decided to play a trick on my dad. He always teased Erin that Sara Beth was lost on the trail ride, so Kallen [who was leading this ride] told us she'd make sure Sara Beth took our ride out that afternoon. Kallen told her to pretend she got lost. My dad definetly fell for it. So did Jon, who knew we were going to play the trick... lol.

Thursday night, we had the ride to Canyon Creek for the dinner camp out. On the way up, Hannah, Dani, and I played a game where we would take a twig off of a pine tree and toss it back and forth between us. We continued playing that game throughout the rest of the week. Jon spent the night at the camp, and everyone there played a huge trick on him. They convinced him there were man-eating birds called "Snipes". He was so scared he stayed in a tent with Elizabeth's dad, David and slept with a knife under his pillow. I'm telling you, my brother is GULLABLE. [gullable, gullible, idk.] I rode back early with Hannah and Dani in the back of the wranglers' truck. [with all the saddles] Some of the horses were running back, so I got to help Randi [she was the head wrangler] chase the horses into the right pen [Dani and Hannah were helping Kallen and Sara Beth make sure the horses didn't walk over the cattle gaurds.] Then we went swimming in the pool [it's really warm. fed by hot springs and cooled down with other water].

Friday was our last full day at the ranch. It was also the Fourth of July. That night, Dani and I threw goldfish at another girl from the ranch, Lauren. She didn't know it was us until the next morning. =] There was a group of people sitting in front of us. [Mostly guys. One of them had a skateboard, one had a Led Zepplin t-shirt, a lot of them had hats with the bill turned out. Smelled like smoke. I think you get it.] They were throwing small fireworks while the big ones were going off. There was also a group of sixth graders copying them. Dani yelled at the sixth graders. Something about it not being good for the grass...lol.

Saturday, we went on our last ride. (up to brunch on the mountain) We got a bunch of pictures. Then, we had to leave right away to drop Connie and Erin off at the airport. We drove all the way to York, Nebraska that night. We woke up at 6:45 and drove the rest of the way home. [we got home at about 12:25]

And that's basically it.

It's Finally Over

I've finally gotten to the point where I don't care anymore.
I'm finally happy about just being friends.
Actually, I have no desire to be anything more.

Finally.

Superheroes.

So there's this application on facebook called superheroes.
It is really really awesome.
And quite addicting.
I love it quite a lot.
If you don't already have it, you should get it.
http://facebook.frozenbear.com/r/?app=herofight&source=665418321_user
awesome link thing for you to add it with ^^^^
yay!

rofl

i think it's apparent who this one reminds me of...



more cat pictures

New Jeans

I also wrote this last night. I just didn't get it posted this morning.

I'm really enjoying this jeans analogy I made. There's so many ways to go with it. Seriously.

Just remember: friendship is like your favorite pair of jeans.

Now, think about this.
You can't wear the same pair of jeans your whole life. You change: the jeans just don't fit anymore. They change: they just get too worn to wear. You wear them less and less until eventually, you stop wearing them all toghether. You move on; you find a new favorite pair of jeans. Sure, they're not the same as your old one's, and you may miss wearing the ones you lost, but you move on. If you would just accept things, maybe you'll come to find your new jeans are just as awesome. Awesome in a different kind of way. They may even be better.

That's life. You can't wear the same pair of jeans forever, and you won't have the same group of friends forever.


Holy crap. I just love analogies sometimes.

Patched Jeans.

So I was thinking a lot last night. I thought about how I see things. I thought about how others see things. I tried to determine the "right" way to look at things. Then I applied it to this funny little situation we've gotten ourselves into. I guess this is what I came up with.

So. This is really cheesy, but think of a friendship as a pair of jeans. Actually, make that your favorite pair. It has a bunch of little threads holding it together, but sometimes, they start to wear out. Some of the little threads start comming a part. Eventually, they rip. Being your favorite pair of jeans, you really want to fix them, so you sew a patch over the hole. They'll never be the same again. They may still be your favorite pair, but chances are, they'll rip again. The patched part on the jeans is weaker and likely to rip open more than once.

I could keep going on with the analogy, but I'll let you think about that more yourself. The moral of the story is that friends have problems sometimes; it's a normal thing. We may get things patched up, but we can't always expect everything to be 100% better, good as new. It just doesn't work like that.

Just as you choose your favorite pair of jeans, you choose who your friends are. You obviously chose them for a reason. Sometimes, you just have to learn to get used to the patch on your jeans. You have to realize it may tear again, but if they're really important to you, you won't throw them away because of a little tear.

Excuses

We have to make everything better.
...how about we do this.
...we could do this.
...we have to do this, it's the only way.

or... we could do the simple thing.
how hard is it to call someone on the phone?
how hard is it to im someone when they're online.

not that hard.
problem solved.

Wait it out

What is this?
Everyone seems to have their own idea.
He said, she said is all this is.
With nothing to do, we sit overanalyzing everything.
It just makes it worse.
Me? I'm just going to wait it out.
If you think that we can fix this, just let me know.
But until we find a way, I'll just let it go.
Sure I'll still worry, but that's my problem.
I can be content just not knowing.
I can be content just sitting here thinking to myself.
I can be content just pretending nothings wrong.
It may not be the best idea, but it's the best I've come up with so far.

Next Time

Next time you sit down at your computer and start writing a blog, take some time to think.
You may have already thought long and hard about what to write and how you're going to write it, but there may have been a few things you've forgotten.

Blogs are supposed to be a place where you can show others what you're feeling. Sometimes, the idea is to let things out without having to directly tell someone.
That can be good. Maybe, you're going through a hard time, and you don't know how to ask for help.

But.
That can also be bad.
People DO read your blog.
The people you're writing about CAN read your blog.
The people reading your blog CAN be hurt by what you're writing.

If you're having problems within yourself, blogs are a good way to "vent".
If you're having problems regarding your friends, maybe you should try talking to them.

Sometimes, blogs blow things out of proportion.
Sometimes, people reading them are hurt you can't tell them yourselves.

Sometimes, telling someone something important in person can be hard.
Sometimes, telling them anyway helps to show you care.
Sometimes, telling them anyway helps solve problems; instead of adding to them.

Blogs can be a good way to vent your feelings, but sometimes... they just aren't.

I'm definetly going to work on telling people things in person.
Will you?

Looking Through LOLcats

Jordan and I found this looking through old LOLcats. It reminded us of Elizabeth.
XD



hopes it makes you smile too.
more cat pictures

lol

I found this posted in one of my old blog entries, and I thought I'd repost it for the amusement of sam brooks. =]
more cat pictures

So... I really hope the flood keeps going down. Quickly.

It would be awesome if 218 would be open by tomorrow morning.
I really want to get into Cedar Falls/Waterloo.

The plan for tomorrow was...
My mom was going to bring me into Cedar Falls on her way to work. She was going to take me to my cousins house, who just had a baby. I was going to spend the day helping her with her two kids. Then, after my mom was done with work, we were going to go pick up Jordan, who was going to stay at my house until it was time to go to Heidi's birthday party.
Hopefully that will still work.

If it doesn't, I won't be able to go to my cousins this week... =[
Hopefully, it will be open by the next day, so people can get to Heidi's party, and Jordan can finally come over afterwards, until it's time for the Lampost show Saturday.

And if not Friday, hopefully it will at least be open by Saturday, so people can make it to the show, and everything will be happy.

Hopefully.

Crap

So I was editing my blog, and for some reason, I now have 2 header things, and I can't get rid of the one in the corner, or move it... what the heck.

So now I only have 1 header, but I want it to be in the center like it's supposed to be.
Except the center one was the only one I could delete.

Truth.

So, I haven't done the whole "what i would say to you / how i feel about you" thing for quite a while... so, i'll do that again.

Dear You,
I don't know about us sometimes. I love you and care about you a lot, but it seems we're "not quite right" a lot of the time. Things are pretty good now, but they could be better. I hope this summer brings us closer, and not further a part.

Dear You,
I can tell you anything and know my deepest secrets are safe with you. I'll listen to your bad advice anytime. =P

Dear You,
I love you. A lot. Please don't leave me.

Dear You,
The first day I met you, I walked up to your door and told you I was sure we were going to become best friends. I was right. Like always, I guess.

Dear You,
We were never really friends until this year. Actually, I'm not sure we ever even talked. I'm glad we fixed that. =]

Dear You,
For some reason, we don't hang out all that much. Hopefully, we'll fix that this summer. I'll make inappropriate jokes with you whenever you want. ;] "woah, megan!"

Dear You,
We're going to wait on top of your roof and throw a pickle at someone. Actually, we're not just going to throw it, we're going to hit them. That's final.

Dear You,
You confuse me sometime. I can't always tell when you're being serious or when it's all a joke. I guess that kind of scares me sometimes, but you make me laugh. I'm glad we can be friends.

Dear You,
I know you're going through some tough stuff, but I want you to know, I'm here for you, just as you've been there for me. I'm really glad we've gotten closer this year.

Dear You,
You confuse me sometimes. I know you're trying to work some stuff out, but I think you need to put it into perspective. There's a lot worse that could have happened. I feel kind of bad writing this because I really care for you, and I want to be here for you. The problem is, I'm finding it hard. I'm sorry.

Dear You,
We've never really been that close of friends, but lately, I've been finding a lot in common between us. I wish you the best with everything. Things are obviously hard for you right now, but if you ever need to talk, I'm here. For some reason, I think I may understand.

Being Alone

You know what doesn't make sense to me?

Sometimes, when you're all alone, you would give anything to have someone with you. Maybe it's a certain person or maybe you'd be fine with anyone.

Other times, when you're surounded by friends, you feel like sitting alone, no matter how much fun you're having with your friends.

That probably doesn't make sense to you. It sure doesn't make sense to me.

tired of not understanding

I don't understand why this isn't turning out as well as I'd thought.
I don't understand why this bothers me so much.
I don't understand how I can forget about it and remember right before I fall asleep, keeping me up thinking for hours.
I don't understand, and I'm tired of not understanding.

I don't understand why I can't just be happy and get over it.
I don't understand how something happy can happen, but after a while, I'll still be sad.
I don't understand why I can't practice what I preach "you don't need a boy to be happy"
I don't understand, and I'm tired of not understanding.



I don't understand why this keeps happening.
I don't understand how you can fix something, think you've fixed it well, and then watch it fall a part again.
I don't understand how I can fix it. It's like you don't want me to.
I don't understand, and I'm tired of not understanding.





I don't understand what's going on.
I don't understand how I can have so much going through my head and yet have nothing going through my head.
I don't understand why I can't keep things together.
I don't understand, and I'm tired of not understanding.

if you would ask

If you would ask me if I was happier, I could answer you one of two ways.

I could tell you what you want to hear.
I could tell you I was.
I could tell you that you made the right decision.
I could tell you that everything was turning out okay, that everything was better this way.

or

I could tell you the truth.
I could simply tell you, no.
I could tell you I don't think it's working.
It's not working yet, and I don't know if it even will.

Just in case you were wondering.

Privacy

In elementary school and junior high, people didn't have a lot of secrets.
Our "secrets" were little things that didn't really matter, such as the boy we had a crush on.
Sure, they seemed important then, but looking back, they weren't that much of a big deal.
People felt fine sharing their "secrets" with all of their friends.

Now, in high school, we have bigger secrets.
Things that really do matter.
Things too personal to tell even your close friends.

Even though there's such a big differance, people still expect to get the same amount of information.
People seem to think they're entitled to know everything about their friends.
In my opinion, that's a little selfish.
We're all only entitled to information others are willing to share with us.
People shouldn't have to feel guilty not sharing.

Some people seem to not feel quite as close to someone who doesn't share all of their secrets with them. Have you ever noticed, sometimes just knowing someone is willing to listen if needed, means a lot more than someone who demands information.

Next time your friend seems to be upset about something, or keeping something to themselves, don't demand to know what's wrong or what they're not telling you. Next time, just let them know you're they're if they need someone to talk to, but you have to mean it.

Sometimes, it helps just to know someone cares.

I have come to the conclusion

that people are supposed to change in high school.

It’s pretty obvious that everyone has changed since they’ve left junior high. I can’t think of one person that hasn’t. Everyone is pretty good at pointing out how others have changed, even though it can be hard to see changes happening within yourself. That scares me. Yes, I know I’ve changed. I can tell. What I have a problem with is figuring out the ways I have changed. I’m sure I’m not the only one with that problem. I think, as friends, it’s our job to point these things out to each other, before it’s too late.

It’s kind of hard to listen when someone tells you how you’ve changed. A lot of the times you feel hurt or upset, but eventually, you realize they’re not hurting you by sharing this with you. They’re helping you. They point out something that could be a positive or a negative change. This especially helps if it has a potential to big a negative change. They need to be pointed out to us so we can try to fix it, before it becomes part of who we are. The longer you wait without realizing you’re changing, the harder it will be to change back, if it’s even possible.

Better late than never… Maybe it’s time you point out to your friends how they’re changing, or maybe how they’ve already changed. It may be hard to explain. They may be upset with you at first, but in the long run, it’s worth a try.

We’ve worked much too hard making our relationships strong to let a few unnoticed changes tear us apart.

This year, I’ve realized how easy it is to change without even realizing it. I don’t know about you, but that scares me. It scares me a lot.

It’s better to point things out. You don’t have to be totally honest. The blunter you are, the harder it will be for them to take it. All they need is for someone to tell them, as nicely as possible, what you’re seeing. Afterwards, don’t just leave them to sort out their own problems. They need their friends then, more than ever. Just someone to talk to. Someone that will listen. You may not feel like you’re helping, but by being their friend, you’re doing more for them than anyone else ever could.

It will be hard for both of you, but it will be worth it.

It’s not too late.

25 things that make me sad

1. hate
2. being unsure
3. not knowing if someone cares
4. seeing people sad
5. being scared
6. worrying
7. wondering
8. people I care about moving away
9. not knowing what's going to happen
10. not knowing why
11. unfair judgement
12. death
13. being confused
14. watching someone get enjoyment out of someone's sadness or discomfort
15. seeing people I care for get hurt
16. fake feelings
17. having nothing to do
18. not being able to fix something
19. not being able to cheer someone up
20. knowing someone's making a horrible mistake
21. wondering if I really care
22. fighting
23. things that are broken
24. things that remind me of things I don't want to remember
25. mosquitoes

75 things that make me happy

1. smiles


2. tulips


3. music


4. friends


5. shows


6. sunshine


7. cookie dough


8. family


9. clouds


10. birds


11. sleeping outside


12. green grass


13. movie nights


14. wildflowers


15. staying up all night


16. stars


17. tents


18. spell check


19. swings


20. people I don't know (sometimes)


21. rain (sometimes)


22. <3


23. being outside


24. being inside


25. swimming


26. the perks of being a wallflower


27. four wheelers/dirt bikes (sometimes)


28. going on walks


29. juno


30. my ipod


31. people I love


32. animals


33. the sky


34. talking about something meaningful with someone I actually don't know that well


35. doing absolutely nothing during class


36. randomly breaking into song


37. being able to trust someone


38. being trusted by someone


39. getting new music


40. cute t-shirts


41. inside jokes


42. having money in my itunes account


43. seeing someone else is happy


44. knowing someone cares


45. being surprised


46. meeting new people


47. silence


48. hide-and-go-seek


49. darkness


50. being able to confide in someone


51. having someone confide in me


52. colors


53. old pictures


54. new pictures


55. good photography


56. looking at random art projects during study hall


57. laughter


58. knowing some people aren't that different after all


59. being content


60. funny youtube videos


61. tictacs


62. canoes/kayaks


63. "falling out" of canoes/kayaks


64. camping


65. math (sometimes)


66. computers


67. reading


68. law and order


69. song lyrics


70. other countries


71. not worrying


72. kate nash


73. regina spektor


74. other languages


75. love

The way we were.

I don't know how it happened, but this year, we got really close.
We hadn't been much more than "close" aquaitances before then, but something clicked.
I loved how fun you were to be around.
You made me smile.
You were funny.
You were fun to be around.
You would laugh with me.
We had all kinds of inside jokes.
People seemed to see us as inseperable.
It was a blast.
Lately, things have been different.
You don't see me in the same way anymore.
It seems everyone is mad at me for "changing", but they expect me to change myself into exactly what they want me to be. Now, the things about me that haven't changed, is what seems to both you.

But the truth is, although you treat me differently, I still see you as the same you were at the beggining of the year.
When you come to mind.
I still see the girl that makes me smile.
I still see the girl that makes me laugh.
I still see the girl that I share my jokes with.
I still see you. The way I know you. The way I knew you.
I would still trust my secrets with you.
I would still keep your secrets to yourself.
Even if you don't want things like that.

Don't think I can't tell what's happening.
I can see it through your actions, through your harsh words.
Strangely, I still see you no differently.
I still see you the way I wish things were.
I still see tyou the way I hope things will go back to.

people aren't always as they appear

How do you look at the people around you?
Do you judge them for how they appear?

Looks can be misleading.

Can someone really look mean?
Can someone really look nice?
Can someone really look smart?
Can someone really look irresponsible?

You may think so.
That would be a stereotype.

That person is wearing glasses, they must be smart.
That person is wearing tight pants, they must enjoy skateboarding.
That person isn't smiling, they must be a sad/angry person.
That person is laughing, they must be nice.
That person is sitting alone, they must not have friends.
That person is talking to him, they must be the same.
That person listens to a certain type of music, they must only hang out with those kinds of people.

Why do we stereotype?
Where do we end up?

That person won't want to talk to someone like me... I'll give them their space.
That person looks different than me... I'll just ignore them.
That person is really "insert stereotype"... lololol.

That person you're stereotyping, may be nothing like what you see them as.
That person you're stereotyping, may be exactly like what you see them as.
That person you're stereotyping, may have the potential to become your friend.
That person you're stereotyping, may have the potential to become your enemy.
That person you're stereotyping, may become only an acquaintance.
That person you're stereotyping, may become your closest friend.
That person you're stereotyping, may never see you again.
That person you're stereotyping, may turn out being everywhere.

It's hard not to place stereotypes on people.
That's why adults make such a big deal about first impressions.
...oops, I guess that was a stereotype.

Say hi to the new kid in your math class.
Wave at an old acquaintance.
Start up a conversation with that one kid you think you know, but have never really talked to.
Don't judge people before you know them.

Appearances can be deceiving.
Don't let yourself be the one who is deceived.

Day of Silence

A few weeks ago, I tried to not talk for the entire school day. When someone would ask why, I would simply point to a note I had written to someone in my planner "to see if I can". I failed a few times but I decided to keep going. I kept a tally of how many times I messed up. Unfortunetly, by lunch, I had enough. I decided to start talking again.

Tomorrow, I will again try to not talk all day. What's different this time? Three things.
1) I'll begin when I wake up in the morning, and I'll stop at 5:00pm.
2) I won't tally how many times I talk. I'll just forget about it and continue to be silent.
3)I'm going to be silent for a REASON.

Yes, this is an actual day. This time, when someone asks my why I'm not talking, I will take out a sheet of paper and show it to them.

This sheet...

Day of Silence
What is the Day of Silence®?
The Day of Silence (www.dayofsilence.org), a project of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), is a student-led day of action when concerned students, from middle school to college, take some form of a vow of silence to bring attention to the name-calling, bullying and harassment -- in effect, the silencing -- experienced by LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) students and their allies. This year’s Day of Silence will be held in memory of
Lawrence King.

Who was Lawrence King?
Lawrence King was a 15-year-old student from Oxnard, California, who was shot and killed in class on February 12 by a 14-year-old classmate because of King’s sexual orientation and gender expression. The hate crime received little media attention but has served as a rallying cry for the need to address anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment. The goal of the Day of Silence is to inspire change so that such a tragedy and others like it never happen again

What is GLSEN®?
GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, is the leading national education organization focused on ensuring safe schools for all students. Established nationally in 1995, GLSEN envisions a world in which every child learns to respect and accept all people, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity/expression.
Has the Day of Silence been successful?
In past years, more than 500,000 students at nearly 4,000 K-12 schools, colleges and universities organized Day of Silence events. These numbers make the Day of Silence one of the largest student-led actions in the United States. The event has drawn significant attention to LGBT issues in schools over the years. For example, GLSEN spokespersons have appeared on national media outlets and there has always been extensive local media coverage from coast to coast, with numerous interviews with students.

Why do we need a Day of Silence?
GLSEN’s 2005 National School Climate Survey found that 4 out of 5 LGBT students report verbal, sexual or physical harassment at school and more than 30% report missing at least a day of school in the past month out of fear for their personal safety. The Day of Silence helps bring us closer to making anti-LGBT bullying, harassment and name-calling unacceptable in America’s schools.The Day of Silence is a call to action. Students can use this day, as well as other GLSEN Days of Action, as a means of achieving an “ask.” An ask is a very specific action that calls for a change in school policies, climate, and culture to achieve a larger goal of safe schools for all, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity/expression. Some examples of an ask include: adding sexual orientation and gender identity/expression in your school’s non-discrimination or anti-harassment policy, or training teachers to respond effectively to anti-LGBT bullying, harassment, and name-calling.

Cup of Joe

This past Saturday night, I had the most fun I've had in a long time. Well, I suppose it wasn't as much fun as it was...enjoyable? I'm not sure if that was the right word...

For those of you who weren't there, Followed by Ghosts had a show at Cup of Joe. Addison Payne, Mark, and Evan also played. Everything was kind of cramped because the coffee house was so small, so there weren't really enough seats for the number of people that showed up. A lot of people just stood against a wall or shared a seat with a friend. Addison was first. I was not only surprised by his talent, I was also very impressed. He has an amazing voice. Then, Mark and Evan did some songs together. They were really funny, but what else would you expect from Mark and Evan? They also did some stuff by themselves, and they ended with a song together again. Then, it was time for Followed by Ghosts. Andrei had to videotape parts of it so we went and stood where it was easier to see.

Listening to Followed by Ghosts, I got this warm feeling. That sounds really stupid, but it was amazing. Everything just felt... right, perfect even. Crowded into a small coffee house, filled with friends, acquaintances, even strangers, the scent of coffee wafting through the air, the music... it was incredible. If I could do that every weekend, I would, with the hopes that the feeling I got last night would come back. That calming, perfect feeling.

I can't really even put into words what I experienced at that show. I hope everyone there enjoyed the night as much as I did. As for those of you that missed out, you should try comming to a show sometime. Maybe, you'll get the same feeling I did.

Happiness Challenge

So, I realize this was something Nicole challenged Faithe to do, but I think it would be good for me to try to do it too.

So here it goes...
Things that make me happy. (in no particular order)
Hugs.
Chirping birds.
Long phone conversations with Jordan Thomas.
Hugs.
Smiles.
Sunshine.
Sam Niles. Somos panecillos.
Juno.
Hugs.
Green grass.
Laughing with Elizabeth Paladino.
Hugs.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
Realizing how awkward the talks I have with Nicole Mittelstadt actually are. ;]
Hugs.
Rain, in most circumstances.
Knowing I'm Sam Brooks' teddy bear.
Hugs.
Colors.
Seeing Andrei Migunov actually smiling.
Hugs.
Being outside.
Hanging out with my church friends Wednesday nights.
Love.
Religion.
Kidnapping Jerod Botts after school.
Hugs.
Making new friends.
Playgrounds.
Fareway runs.
Becoming better friends with people I already know.
Hugs.
LOL cats.
Giving Tarryn Gritzner and Faithe Guyer their hugs. Apparently they're amazing...
Hugs.
Music.
Seeing Lynda Kohls is happy.
Hugs.
Orange.
Knowing Heidi is only a couple houses away.
Love.
Friends.
Family
Smiles.
<3

I have a lot of things to be happy for.

Defining one’s self.

I believe there is no one defining point in our life, but life is a process in which we find ourselves. It begins with childhood and continues on until our death.

Childhood is a crucial time in which we develop right from wrong. Everything seems black and white as a child. There are two ways to do things, the right way and the wrong way. By our parents’ guidance, we are taught to rely on a certain set of morals they’ve lain out for us.

As we grow up, we learn that not everything is how it seems. Things are much more complicated than black and white, right or wrong. Some begin to question those morals our parents set for us. Some rules we break, some rules we continue to follow.

During the teenage years in when you really become to shape who you are. You take everything you’ve learned from your childhood, and you decide how you are going to use them in your life. This is when the most crucial mistakes are made. You learn that some seemingly unimportant rules really are needed. Luckily, you eventually learn from your mistakes, however many you may make. Your teenage years are when you find out what works and what doesn’t.

Now, it’s after this that things become fuzzy. I haven’t actually experienced this process any further, but this is how it seems to work.

As a young adult, you are put through the final test. You discover whether or not the morals and guidelines you’ve adapted for yourself throughout your teenage years actually work in the real world. You still make quite a few mistakes, but because you’ve learned so much throughout your teen years, you know how to deal with it. You continue learning from these mistakes. You come up with what seems as a fool proof set of morals. They work for the person you are, the person you’re happy to be.

Not to say that set of morals won’t change slightly as you mature in adulthood, you’ll surely discover new things, but for the most part, you have developed who you are as a person. Adulthood now gives you time to discover who you’ve become, how you work. You become very wise and can pass your wisdom down to others.

I don’t think you ever truly know who you are. Some people have a much better idea than others, and you will come to know yourself better than anyone knows you. All of this reminds me of something Mr. Nichols said to our class at the beginning of the semester. He told us we didn’t know who we were yet. He also told us, he had yet to discover who he really was. Now, some students had quite a problem with this. They couldn’t quite grasp the fact that they didn’t know who their own self was. This sort of confused me as well, but I knew these were words of someone much wiser than myself. After thinking about it, I’m come to the conclusion that he’s very right, and I’ve began to discover what his statement actually means.

I’m not saying I’m right about any of this. I’m not saying that at all. This is more of a theory I’ve come up with. I’m sure this theory will change and develop over time, but for now, this is what I’ve come up with.

Everyone says I’ve changed.

I deny it. I’ve even tricked myself into thinking it’s a lie. They’re wrong. Everyone’s wrong. But, deep down inside, there’s an oh so familiar voice, “They’re right you know. There’s at least some truth in what they speak.” It’s times like these when I question myself.

What is it that defines who we are?
Is it who we are? Who we were? Who we strive to become? I’m not really sure. What I do know is, I’m not quite sure I like who I was. Although, I’m not sure I like who I’m becoming either.

They blame him. I blame myself.
These changes inside me, some good and some bad, I believe they’re my doing. After all, I am the one who controls my inter-being. Have I been influenced by others? It’s probable, but I am the one who allows their influences. It wouldn’t be right to blame others. It would only be a lie.

So, what now?
Well, it seems I have a lot of thinking to do, a lot of questions to answer. I may just simply be for a while, until I figure out who it is I’m being…

Hate.

So, earlier this year, I made a decision. I decided I wouldn't hate, or even strongly dislike, anyone that I didn't know. Now, the exception to this rule is if they give me a good reason not to like them (such as, my least favorite, really hurting one of my friends). But generally, I don't just don't like someone because of how I see them.

Example One: Billy. Everyone either loves him, hates him, or really doesn't care for him. I have yet to say anything to him. He has yet to say anything to me. Therefore, I don't hate him or even dislike him.

But yeah, that's how it works.

I've found it to work really well. It prevents me from judging people before I get to know them. Actually, it helps me keep an open mind. I've actually ended up talking to a few people I probably wouldn't have if I would have judged them before. To my suprise, I found that they're actually really nice people.

So, my advice to you is to give it a try. Talk to someone you usually wouldn't. Or, get to know someone you don't really know. You may just be suprised.

Get to know someone before you judge them.

more lolcats

well, liz mentioned that i didn't have a lolcat that reminded me of her
so
i am finding some that remind me of people. mhm.


see more crazy cat pics
jordan and sam <3


see more crazy cat pics
so this one doesn't remind me of anyone... it's just cute


see more crazy cat pics
Jerod no can haz camera!


see more crazy cat pics
This reminds me of Liz. yay!


see more crazy cat pics
sam... no more being emo


see more crazy cat pics
teddy bear! (i love my sammy!)


see more crazy cat pics
blake ran over this poor squirrel right after this picture was taken... <3nicole


see more crazy cat pics
faithe, my mathcountsbuddy

lolcat bible! Genesis 1

Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs
1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.

2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.

3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1

6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.7 An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.

9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz urth and waters oshun. Iz good.

11 An Ceiling Cat sayed, DO WANT grass! so tehr wuz seedz An stufs, An fruitzors An vegbatels. An a Corm. It happen.12 An Ceiling Cat sawed that weedz ish good, so, letz there be weedz.13 An so teh threeth day jazzhands.

14 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has lightz in the skiez for splittin day An no day.15 It happen, lights everwear, like christmass, srsly.16 An Ceiling Cat doeth two grate lightz, teh most big for day, teh other for no day.17 An Ceiling Cat screw tehm on skiez, with big nails An stuff, to lite teh Urfs.18 An tehy rulez day An night. Ceiling Cat sawed. Iz good.19 An so teh furth day w00t.

20 An Ceiling Cat sayed, waterz bring me phishes, An burds, so kittehs can eat dem. But Ceiling Cat no eated dem.21 An Ceiling Cat maed big fishies An see monstrs, which wuz like big cows, except they no mood, An other stuffs dat mooves, An Ceiling Cat sawed iz good.22 An Ceiling Cat sed O hai, make bebehs kthx. An dont worry i wont watch u secksy, i not that kynd uf kitteh.23 An so teh...fith day. Ceiling Cat taek a wile 2 cawnt.

24 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has MOAR living stuff, mooes, An creepie tings, An otehr aminals. It happen so tehre.25 An Ceiling Cat doed moar living stuff, mooes, An creepies, An otehr animuls, An did not eated tehm.

26 An Ceiling Cat sayed, letz us do peeps like uz, becuz we ish teh qte, An let min p0wnz0r becuz tehy has can openers.

27 So Ceiling Cat createded teh peeps taht waz like him, can has can openers he maed tehm, min An womin wuz maeded, but he did not eated tehm.

28 An Ceiling Cat sed them O hai maek bebehs kthx, An p0wn teh waterz, no waterz An teh firmmint, An evry stufs.

29 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, the Urfs, I has it, An I has not eated it.30 For evry createded stufs tehre are the fuudz, to the burdies, teh creepiez, An teh mooes, so tehre. It happen. Iz good.

31 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, teh good enouf for releaze as version 0.8a. kthxbai.

http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Genesis_1

lolcats

these made me smile.
hoping they do the same for you. =D



tickle rape!


awwww.


heidi... =P


teh kittehs are hardcore!


for some reason, this reminds me of jordan... ?


and this one reminds me of sam brooks...


poor kitty... =/ but he's really cute. =D


this reminds me of sam niles house...


lalala.


*huuuuug*


rawr.




awwww

i could go on for quite some time, but you can just go to icanhascheezburger.com or lolcats.com

All-State

All-State was a lot of fun. I wish Nicole and SamN could have come because it would have rocked with the whole posse, but I suppose the abundance of speechers kind of made up for it.

I saw some AMAZING performances, I mean, it's all-state they're all amazing, but some definitely were much better than the others. My favorites were the ADS's I saw. One of them was a girl who was supposed to be a soap opera star, who was telling a group of future soap opera stars how to be a great soap opera star. You needed: the hair-flip, the serious/seductive stare (that can be used on enemy OR lover, but don't worry. they are VERY different.) the big gasp (I can't believe you did that to your own brother *GAAAAASP*), and finally, the ..............................(and fade).. long pause. Another funny ADS I saw was a psycho-ex-girlfriend talking to Psycho-Ex-Girlfriends Anonymous. She was perfect for the part too. Her voice, her appearance, etc. it all matched up with her character.

The performances were amazing, but I actually didn't spend all that much time watching things (like I was supposed to...). A lot of it was spent just wandering around looking for things to watch (mostly unsuccessfully), sitting in the food court place, looking at their cool radio station thing, and (the most fun, in my opinion) hanging out on the roof. The roof was fun: the circle of friendship, random photo-ops, and breaking glass bottles... Jerod...

I just realized I haven't even mentioned anything about who was there. Besides for the amazing W-SR speechers, JORDAN THOMAS!!!!!!! As well as, Katie Mallon, Jordan Crosser, and some other random people. But most importantly, JORDAN THOMAS!!!!!!! (And yes, her name IS permanently stuck in caps lock with a bunch of exclamation points placed at the end)

All in all, all-state was REALLY fun.

Besides for the whole Nicole and SamN missing out.

Oh yeah, the rain kind of sucked too...

conversation.

I could write a really long meaningful post about this.
...but. I think I can get the point across without making this too long.

Conversation is magical!

okay... that's cheesy, but seriously.

Talk to someone about something that's bothering you. It makes it better. (sometimes not right away, but you'll get there...)

The end.

(quick and painless)
(and a little cheesy... sorry)

I hope you know...

When I tell you I love you, I mean it.

When I tell you I'm there for you, I mean it.

When I tell you I care, I mean it.

Please believe me because...
I really do mean it.

Why I Love You

I've noticed everyone's been writing things about their friends lately, so I decided I might as well. This isn't going to be as cool with all the pictures and such everyone else has... I'll try. I'm going to try to have something about everyone who I know reads my blog.
Here it goes...

Heidi,
We've been bff's since we were five. We've had so many good times.
Dressing up like cats, walking around the neighborhood being the amazing spies we are, walking down to dead ends and hiding from creepy poacher dudes. Yeah. We're pretty much amazing.
We've always been there for eachother too.
Who's couch was it you hid behind to avoid everyone's eyes? Who's house did I go to when my parents were gone for the weekend? Yeah. We're cool, I realize.
We're pretty different when it comes to a lot of things, but we're best friends anyways. I don't think anything could ever change that.
I LOVE YOU!

Jordan,
I'm really glad we're such great friends. What I find ironic is that we were never this close until after you moved. At least it happened eventually. Who else would I be able to call just to talk for two hours? Who else could I share all my secrets with? Who else could I get locked inside a mall with? =DD
There's so much I love about you. Your heart, your values, your mind, your friendship.
Let's stay friends, okay?
I LOVE YOU!

Elizabeth,
We were never really friends until this year. I mean, we kind of had the same friends, but we never had any classes together, besides orchestra, so I didn't really know you. When we finally got to know eachother this year, we just kind of clicked. We're both so crazy it just worked. When you're happy, I couldn't be sad if I tried. (Maybe that's partly what caused your knee injury... Sorry about that. =/ lol.) I'm really glad we're friends.
I LOVE YOU!

Sammy,
You're so easy to talk to. You're one of those people I could tell anything to and know you'd keep my secrets safe. I can always count on you to be there for me. I don't think you'll ever realize what that means to me. I'm glad I can be your teddy bear. I'm always up for hugging my Sammy. (especially if that means I get to hear you sing! <3)
I LOVE YOU!

Nicole,
You're pretty much amazing. You can turn anything into fun. When we went to National Treasure 2, I almost died laughing. Study Hall would be super boring without you. Yeah, we've had some times where we haven't gotten along the greatest, but I want you to know I'll always love you.
I LOVE YOU!

Sam Niles,
I love you and your cat, even if she does poke me in the middle of the night. =P We've had a lot of good times. Running to your house after watching Juno, carrying me around on your back, PE, and other craziness. I want you to know I'll always be there if you're the one in need of cookie dough, just like I know you'd be for me.
I LOVE YOU!

Faithe,
You will always be my Math Counts Buddy. Thank you for being my boyfriend for the day. We don't get to hang out much, but when we do, we have a BLAST. Let's hang out more, okay?
I LOVE YOU!

That would be everyone I know reads my blog...
If I missed anyone, please tell me, I'll be glad to add to it.
<333333333333
I LOVE YOU!

Have you ever dreamt about a...

Platypus

To see a platypus in your dream, suggests your tendency to wallow and dwell on your emotions. It may also suggest that your repressed thoughts and unconscious material are slowly coming to the surface and making their presence known. Alternatively, it is indicative of shyness and reservation, especially in social situations.


Bananas

To see bananas in your dream, may be a metaphor for repressed sexual urges and desires. It is a phallic symbol and represents masculine sexuality.

To dream that you are eating bananas, denotes that you hard work will be met with little reward and gains.


Elephant

To see an elephant in your dream, suggests that you either need to be more patient and understanding of others. The elephant is also a symbol of power, strength, and intellect. Alternatively, as a creature with an introverted nature, the elephant may thus be depicting your own personality.

To dream that you are riding an elephant, indicates that you are in control of your unconscious and aspects that you once were afraid of.


Spiders

To see a spider in your dream, indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation. Or that you may want to keep your distance and stay away from an alluring and tempting situation. The spider is also symbolic of feminine power. Alternatively, a spider may refer to a powerful force protecting you against your self-destructive behavior. If you kill a spider, it symbolizes misfortune and general bad luck.

To see a spider spinning a web in your dream, signifies that you will be rewarded for your hard work. You will soon find yourself promoted in your job or recognized for your achievement in a difficult task. Spiders are a symbol of creativity due to the intricate webs they spin. On a negative note, spiders may indicate a feeling of being entangled or trapped in a sticky or clingy relationship. It represents some ensnaring and controlling force. You may feel that someone or some situation is sucking the life right out of you.

To see a spider climbing up a wall in your dream, denotes that your desires will be soon be realized.

To dream that you are bitten by a spider, represents a conflict with your mother or some dominant female figure in your life. The dream may be a metaphor for a devouring mother or the feminine power to possess and entrap. Perhaps you are feeling trapped by some relationship.


Burning

To see something burning, indicates that you are experiencing some intense emotions and/or passionate sexual feelings. There is some situation or issue that you can no longer avoid and ignore. Alternatively, it may suggests that you need to take time off for yourself and relax.


Building

To see a building in your dream, represents the self and the body. How high you are in the building indicates a rising level of understanding or awareness. If you are in the lower levels of the building, then it refers to more primal attitudes and/or sexuality.

To see a building in ruins or damaged, indicates that your approach toward a situation or relationship is all wrong. You need to change. Your own self-image may have suffered and taken some blow.

To dream that you or someone fall off a building, suggests that you are descending into the realm of unconscious. You are learning about and acknowledging aspects of your unconscious. Alternatively, it symbolizes your fear of not being able to complete or succeeding in a task. See also Falling in our Common Dream Themes section.


School

To dream that you are in school, signifies feelings of inadequacy and childhood insecurities that have never been resolved. It may relate to anxieties about performance and abilities. You may also be going through a "spiritual learning" experience. If you are still in school and dream about school, then it will naturally serve as a backdrop to your dream world. Alternatively, a dream that takes place in school may be a metaphor for the lessons that you are learning from your waking life.


Teddy Bear

To see or receive a teddy bear in your dream, suggests a regression to an earlier state. It symbolizes lost security, comfort, companionship and implies that you need to be reassured and taken care of. You may be reminiscing about early childhood memories. Alternatively, a teddy bear signifies an immature relationship.


Fetus

To see a fetus in your dream, symbolizes a newly developing relationship or idea in your waking life. Something creative is happening. Alternatively, you may be expressing difficulties in some situation or relationship.

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Let's Compare

Actually, let's not.

It bothers me when people have to take everything and find something to compare it to. Not so much, "this movie reminds me of that one other movie" or "this song reminds me of that one time when..."

More of "when this person was in this situation they did this, and you did it differently, so therefore, one of you has to be wrong". Or, "last year you would have done this, but now you'd do this instead... Therefore, you either were or are doing something wrong".

That really bothers me. Why do we do that? It's not fair to the people being compared. It's silly and a bit immature. People are different, times are different. There comes a time when we need to understand that.

Maybe you honestly think that someone was making a mistake, and you want to talk to them about it. Don't use comparisons in your reasonings or in conversation while explaining it to them. It doesn't mean as much. It will come off as everything you said didn't matter because comparisons really mean nothing.

People do things differently.
From different people.
At different points in time.

Stop being so judgemental, take things for what they are, not for what others were.

Valentines Day

So Valentines Day was today.

It was basically like every other day, except my mom gave me chocolates this morning, and i went with my dad the other day to pick up a card and chocolates to give to my mom this morning.

Did i mention who else my dad got chocolates for?
His girlfriend Connie and her daughter Erin.

Those and the ones he bought for my mom, from Jon and I.

That's all.

I don't mean to sound bitter, I really don't need presents from my dad. I'm sure he thought my mom would take care of it, which she did (not that he knew that).

Anyways, any other day.

I was going to go to a movie with Andrei, Jordan Thomas, and Sam Dorrance, but Sam's mom called and they had to cancel. I still had an AMAZING time with Jordan Thomas, I mean, what's spending time with Jordan going to be other than AMAZING?

Yeah, it was fun.

Basically a normal day. (DURING WHICH I GOT TO SEE JORDAN THOMAS!!!)

mhm.

Time

What is time exactly?

Everything would be so much more laid back, so much calmer, without time. No schedules, no limits, nothing but the rise and fall of the sun.

Without time, no one would ever get anything done. We would always know we had a little longer, a little more... time. This could be good and bad. Our society bases everything on time. It's what moves us forward. It's what has gotten us all so far.

But are we really all that far? What all have we accomplished? Are all of our so called "accomplishments" worth it? Worth the stress, the complications, the sweat and tears that come with time.

Without time, we could live in the moment, there would be no way to get caught up in the future. Everything would be now.

I don't really know if any of this is making sense. I'm basically just ranting about nothing.

I'm just so sick of time.

Secrets.

I hate having secrets.

Normally, I don't hesitate to tell people what I'm thinking. Normally, all of my friends have the key to my heart. Really, it's open to anyone who asks. Normally.

Lately, I've been keeping more and more to myself. I've only been expressing my feelings to a remote number of people. Most of my closet friends don't even know what's going on in my life. Well, the emotional stuff. This is unusual for me, and I hate it.

Whether I like it or not, it's fact. I feel like I don't even have control to change it. If someone asked me about any of this, I probably wouldn't be able to answer them.

I've never really felt like this before. It's like everything is too personal. I don't really even know.

Maybe I'm changing. Maybe I've just never had anything too personal to hide. Maybe it's a bit of both.

If it's a change, I don't really know what to think. I don't think it's a bad change. It's not like I'm not telling anyone anything... I can still manage sharing my feelings with a few people, depending on the person and the subject.

At the moment, I don't really know.

Why are secrets so confusing?

Blah.

My day started out rather average. I was in a supprisingly good mood. I woke up an half-hour later then usual, but I didn't really care. I broke my headband, but I didn't really care. Then, I didn't make it into the spring play, but again, I didn't care.

By afternoon, I was in a great mood. A really great mood. The best part was, I had no reason whatsoever to be so happy. I actually had a couple reasons to make me feel only okay or whatever, but really, I was extremely happy.

Then, once I got home, I had a really sucky afternoon. I don't really want to talk about it, but basically...

I hate boys.
They're stupid.
rawr.
the end.

Yeah... I don't know.

It's like... 11:26 right now, and I feel a little better. Actually, I'm not really that sad at the moment. I think I'm just too tired.

You know that feeling when you're just too tired to care? Yeah... That.

rawr.
the end.

Speech!

Speech was yesterday, and holy crap, I can't wait for state! Yes, our sporks choral reading got a one, and we are therefore going to state. We're apparently adding some stuff to it, so I'm pretty pumped. A lot of W-SR made it, and Jordan T made it! I haven't talked to Jordan Crosser yet, but I'm really hoping she made it because that would mean I would finally be able to meet her! Wow. You really have no idea how excited I am... =D

busy, busy, busy

Ah! Speech is NEXT SATURDAY! I'm really excited, and I really hope we're ready... Our chorale reading is pretty fun. It's about sporks! =P (the noblest of flatware)

Mock trial has finally started. Yikes?

We're half through semester tests! w00t! Except I have to do my spanish skits tomarrow... Uh oh. I hope I do okay... The tests today were all pretty easy.

The rest of this week and next week are really really busy for me.
Friday: Finish Semester Tests. Tarryn's and then Sam Brooks'
Saturday: Math Competition
Sunday: um... idk. church.
Monday: NO SCHOOL! but speech practice and mock trial stuff.
Tuesday: School, then speech practice
Wednesday: School, then some workshop thing, and possibly, youth group that night.
Thursday: School, speech.
Friday: Uh... idk.
Saturday: Speech!!
Sunday: Church and such.

Crazy... I know.

Facebook Quizes

Okay, I admit, there's not really any point to posting these on here, but I thought they were really cute, so I'm going to. =P



What Kind of Guy Would You Fall For?

I would fall for a Nerd
Your man is socially awkward and completely sweet. Although other people may make fun of him now, just wait a few years and those same people that made fun of him will probably be working for him. He will worship the ground you walk on and love you like crazy, although he may not always know how to express it. You find his awkwardness endearing because you know that underneath all that nervous stuttering and passion for obscure subjects is a really great guy who adores you!



Which Disney Song Describes Your Life Right Now?

Your life now can be described by A Whole New World, from Aladdin
You love adventure and experiencing new things. With an optimistic and curious nature, you are not afraid of trying new things or putting yourself into challenging situations. You have a creative mind and are able to see things from a very different point of view than most people. People enjoy being with you because you can make them see the world in a different, more positive way. You have a very free spirit and you do not like taking orders. You may have recently found your true love (whether that be a person or your calling) and have reached new heights. You feel nothing can go wrong now, but be careful not to fall off the magic carpet.

Caucus

So I haven't written in my blog for quite a while, so I figured I should probably write about last Thursday. I went with my mom to caucus for Obama. I got a pretty amazing sticker (Standing with Obama). Unfortunetly, in our township, Obama ended up not being viable, so we were planning on staying undecisive instead of choosing to caucus for Edwards or Clinton. Then, one of us realized that Clinton had so many supporters she would end up getting both electoral vote things... (yeah, I dont exactly remember what they're called.) We then realized that all of us hated Clinton(haha), so we all went over to cacaus for Edwards, even though we didn't really like him either, just so Clinton wouldn't win. What seemed as Edwards vs. Clinton was actually Clinton vs. not Clinton... lol. Yeah, it was interesting.

So far this year...

I've gotten the oppurtunity to spend time with some of the people I care about most.

I've slept for a total of 2 hours. Give or take 30 minutes.

I've made time to work on my homework. (*gasp* news years resolution!)

I've actually learned a lot.

I've also laughed a lot. (no supprise there...)

I've looked at things differently.

I have not causually used the word love. When I've said it, I've meant it.

I've been me.

<3