you know you're bored when...

you complete pointless surveys! yeah!

That fifteen people one...yeah.
1. Heidi
2. Sam Brooks
3. Matthew
4. Jordan Thomas
5. Jake
6. Sam Niles
7. Maggie
8. Nicole
9. Kim
10. Elizabeth
11. Mariah
12. Hannah
13. Jesse
14. Sam Dorrance
15. Kate Sinnot

1. How did you meet 1?
she moved in a couple houses away from me when we were five.

2. What would you do if you had never met 8?
study hall and drivers ed would have epic failed last year.
i wouldn't have an excuse for a possible roadtrip some year.

3. Would you date 2?
if i wanted to buy her lunch. =P

4. Have you ever seen 11 cry?
i'm not sure. if i have it was quite a while ago.

5.Would 3 and 13 be good friends for eachother?
hmm... quite possibly. they could make music or something.

6. Describe 9.
well, she's a ninja, she can read expressively about PMS, she's lots of fun.
we weren't really friends until this year.

7. Do you like 2?
of course.

8. Do you think 6 is attractive?
ha. she's in my phone as "Sam "Sexy" Niles", so yes. she's obviously sexy.

9. When was the last time you talked to 14?
last night.

10. Would you date 7?
nah.

11. Where does 15 live?
in waterloo. kind of by jake.

12. What is the best thing about 5?
i can talk to him about personal things and about the bigger picture.
we have fun.

13. What would you like to tell 13 right now?
we still have some of those strange looking muffins. o.O

14. What is the best thing about 10?
i really don't know her that well anymore.

15. Have you ever kissed 2?
no.

16. What's the best memory you have had with 14?
hmm... either our late night converstaion about today's culture or hanging out in my pasture with maggie, jake, kate, and matthew.

17. What is 10's best talent?
she's in dance.

18. Is 15 pretty?
yes

19. What was your first impression of 4?
she was a spaz, but don't tell mr. hovden i called her that. =P

20. How long have you been friends with 1?
since we were five.

21. Have you seen 5 in the last month?
yes.

22. When was the last time you saw 11?
school. =/

23. Have you ever been to 13's house?
yes

24. When is the next time you will see 9?
i'm not sure. =/ she's in camp until july. but i saw her last night.

25. Are you really close to 6?
sometimes. we try.

26. Would you hug 7?
of course.

27. Do you know a secret about 5?
probably a few.

28. Describe the relationship between 14 and 4.
uh...they dated once.

29. What's your friendship with 12 like?
she's my step-sister.

30. Have you ever danced with 7?
yes.

31. How do you know 12?
she's my step-sister. i was in play group with her older brother when she was a baby.

32. Does 2 have a bf/gf?
yes.

33. Have you ever wanted to smack 4 in the face?
i did once...sorry about that, jordan.

34. Has 11 met your mom?
yes.

35. Have you ever traveled with 10?
no where far away.

36. If 7 had $100 what would they spend it on?
lolla.

37. What's your best memory of 2?
hmm. there are lots. maybe driving around with her in cedar falls/waterloo when she first got her license. =]

39. What is the last thing you did with 15?
went on a walk in the dark with jake after maggie, sam, and matthew left.

40. When did you meet 6?
jr high, i believe.

41. How did you meet 8?
school? emily?

42. What is the funniest moment you've had with 3?
hmm. i'm not sure.

change

i can only imagine the past that lies beyond my earliest memories.
i imagine can only imagine the way you once were.

you were strong: muscles clearly defined by your hard labors.
your hands were rough, like sandpaper: the result of years of hard work.
you were wise: you've gained experience throughout your lifetime.
you were a brother, a husband, a father.

i can faintly remember how you were in the past.
you were witty.
you craved sweets.
you were humorous.
you were wise.
you were a man of God.
and sometimes, you had a temper.
you were a brother, a husband, a father, and a grandfather.


i wish i could erase the image of how you are now from my mind.
you are afraid.
you are sick.
you are frail.
you cannot see.
you cannot remember.
you cannot understand.
you are hardly a brother; you are no longer a husband; you have no memory of your children or grandchildren.
you are alone; hiding somewhere in the depths of your mind.

oh, regina.

i'm so excited for her new album.
"Far" comes out on the twenty third, the tuesday before i leave for colorado, which means i'll be able to listen to it my whole drive and the trip! haha. i've been listening to some of the songs on youtube/myspace and they're pretty great. some of the songs on the album are some pretty old songs of hers that heidi had gotten off of limewire for me a while ago, but the versions are new. it's kind of weird. i can't decide if i like the album version or the origional version better... o.O but yes. i'm super excited.
my favorite song so far is "laughing with". it's about how people joke around about God, but when something serious happens, no one is laughing and everyone is just hoping he's there. i think she hit that right on. the lyrics are on the internet already if you want to see them. i'm too lazy to deal with reformatting the lyrics after copy and pasting them into this window. =P

negative nostalgia?

man, i'm feeling nostalgic right now.
i'm not sure it's really a good thing.
i mean, it makes me kind of sad and it gets me thinking about things i feel guilty for thinking about.
the thing is, it also makes me happy.
i'm sad that things are over, but i'm happy that they happened.
even though i feel a little guilty for thinking about all of it, i find myself putting myself into positions that will cause me to get like this over and over again.

according to urban dictionary, nostalgia is "A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past. OR The condition of being homesick; homesickness. "
bittersweet sounds about right to me.

nostalgia is nice.
you know, nostalgia is more than nice.
nostalgia is wonderful.
it's good to reflect on the past every once in a while.
it's natural to miss some of the things you've left behind.

the question is, how much is too much?

i'msuperpumped!

so, i was taking a shower, right? [because hygiene is important to me. just not important enough for me to know how to spell it...]
but anyway, i came up with this thing, and then, i wrote it down, and THEN, i actually LIKED it.
you may not, but i think it's kind of profound, and i guess that's all that matters, right? that i like it?
but anyways. it's rather short, but i'm hoping i'll be able to build off of it later.

"We are blinded by our perscriptions; details become too defined. From far away, those details don't exist."

on second thought...

=]
?

frustration.

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man, i'm such a hypocrite.

you know those things that bother you about yourself?
everyone has them.

there's just little things you feel inside that don't make sense to you


there are morals that you expect others, and yourself, to posess, but sometimes, you feel like you're straying away from those morals; it seems almost uncontrollable.

there's such a fine line; it makes it hard to know if you've crossed it.


it isn't right.
it isn't fair.
it's hypocritical.

itreallybothersmethatwedon'thangoutmore,eventhoughiknowthatisn'tfairtoyouandi'vebeenguiltyofthesamethinginthepast.sometimes,imisshimalot,andiknowishouldn't;ithoughtiwasoveritandiwasdonefeelinglikethis,buti'mnotsureireallyam,i'mnotsurei'lleverbe,andidon'tthinkthat'sfairtoyou.ireallylikeyou,butsometimesit'shardformetofeellikeyou'repartofmylife;whenyou'rethere,you'regenerallythere,butwhenyou'renotyou'regenerallynot;idon'tthinkthat'sfairtoyoueither,andican'tdecideifthat'sfairtome.wereallysuckatcommunication,andidon'tknowhowtogetbetteratit.sometimes,iwonderifthisisworthit;ifeelbadwondering,butiwantyoutoknow,ireallyhopethatitisworthitbecauseireallywantthistowork.thisisacrucialpointinourrelationship;rightnowwilldeterminifthiswillworkornot.iwanttohangout,youwanttohangout,ithinkweneedtohangout.

my attempt.

these are my attempts at poetic descriptions/profound thoughts.
i really don't think they're all that poetic or profound, but i'm planning on keeping writing. the idea is i'll get better or something...

let me know what you think!

from above, Earth is nothing more than geometric shapes.

great distances fade into nothingness

streets work as grid lines; the buildings plot the points. we're constructing a graph. where will it lead us?

we follow a set course without knowledge of its endpoint

is the saying always question authority or never? i guess it depends on who you ask.

we hunger for control of things we cannot yet reach.

painting we words with vibrant colors, i want them seen from far away.

it doesn't seem fair; the hero always wins. trust me, i've seen it on TV.

everything looks different from above; quite different; unrecognizable to an untrained eye. perspective is more powerful than it would seem.

i used to be afraid of the dark. i now see it as only the absence of light.

These monuments are nothing more than marble and cement, but our ideals are secured inside. Our hope, our freedom, our patriotism: they stain every brick. One look can evoke a whole flood of emotion.

driving down a deserted road, bypasses by the highway long ago. A ghost town now, the Bates Hotel, guarded my a flock of birds.

The sensation of falling; we plunge into the water; chaos breaks, our air supply slowly diminishing; engulfed by our own mortality.

i have more, but i'm out of time.
i'll post more later.