Saturday, September 19, 2009

there's a meat market down the street

the boys and the girls watch each other eat

Monday, September 7, 2009

spinning

my head is spinning.
it's like i'm on a merry-go-round.
a merry-go-round spinning so quickly that i can't make it stop.
i can't get off.

everything i'm seeing is blurring together,
yet i can piece together some of the details
because it's all i see,
over and over and over, again.

i'm spinning,
and i'm thinking
and thinking and thinking.
until, i realize
i don't even know what i'm thinking about.

it's just one big blur,
that i can't get past.

i just keep spinning.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

so.
on friday,
you asked me to think about some things.
i’ve thought about them,
and this is what i’ve come up with.

yes,
i know this is going to be hard.
i’ve known that since the beginning.
however,
i like you, and i’m happy.
i believe that feeling is reciprocated,
and i think you’re happy too.
i also don’t see that changing anytime soon.

yes,
this is going to be really hard.
there are more than a few people that would prefer this didn’t work.
unfortunately that group includes some of my friends and, at least to some extent, your family.
however,
my closest friends support my decision,
and at least i know all of the others care about me,
even if they have a strange way of showing it.
you seem to think your family won’t be a problem,
and i’m going to trust you.

yes,
chances are,
i’ll probably end up getting hurt.
but, when you think about it,
that’s the risk in any relationship.
someone always gets hurt at some point.
sometimes both people do.
that’s just how relationships work.

the main thing,
is that i’m happy,
and you’re happy.
it may be difficult to stay that way,
but i think we can do it.
obviously,
i want you to tell me if that starts to change for you,
and i’ll let you know, as well.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

we spent the day in the nursing home over a week ago.
it was a sunday.
there were tears,
and there was sadness.
then, he was gone.
there were more tears,
and there was more sadness.
there were confused children
and poorly worded explanations.

i expected myself to cry more.
once i got home,
at the visitation,
at the funeral
i didn't.

but tonight,
at youth group,
the lights were dim,
hands were raised,
the air filled with song,
and i cried.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

i appologize.
but sometimes
i'm weird
and insecure,
which
i think i've mentioned,
but i thought
it'd be nice to remind you.

sometimes i need a little reassurance that everything's okay.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

you calling me that would make me really happy, as well.
i think you're worth it.

Friday, August 14, 2009

if you didn't already know,

my uncle has been really sick.
we found out he had brain cancer around christmas,
and he was given a very short time to live.
except, obviously,
thankfully,
they were wrong.

lately,
he's been doing a lot worse.
they decided changing his antibiotic may help.
except,
apparently, it didn't.
they have now decided to take him off of all medication,
aside from pain pills and such.
he can have as much of that as he wants.

i don't know.
it's weird
because i was never that close to my uncle.
but lately,
we've been visiting him every wednesday,
and it's apparent
that he really enjoys our company.
much more so than he enjoys the company of some others.
it's actually kind of funny.

a little less than a year ago,
i was explaining to my dad
how proud i was of my uncle
for turning his life around.
he hadn't missed an AA meeting in years.
he had picked himself up after the flood.
he was moving into a new house.
he was working out his drug problems.
he was fixing his relationship with his kids.

one minute,
his life was changing.
the next,
it began to slowly leave.

but.
he's ready to go.
and i think we're ready to let him.
we're ready for him to go to sleep
and not wake up.
that would be ideal.
we're ready for tears.
we're ready for sadness.
we're ready.

but what if we're not?
he promised my brother back in febuary,
he would make it to his first football game.
it started looking like that would be possible.
my brothers game is two weeks from today.
the nurses just let our family know
they don't think my uncle will last that long.
it probably won't happen in the next few days,
but it could very likely happen in the next week.
he may have two.
but, even if he's still around,
he probably won't be up for it.
so. that's unfortunate.

but.
at least he has something to look forward to.
something to keep his mind off of things.
something.

the thing that scares me the most
is that i don't know how i'll react.

yeah.
i don't really like talking about any of this.
so. if you want to,
you can try to bring it up.
and, i may decide i need to talk about it,
but i'll probably give you a short answer.
or, i'll change the subject.

but yeah.
this way, you don't need to ask.
you can just know.
or whatever.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

yeah, i don't make sense.

right after i come up with a semi-valid explanation for why i never write in my blog, i all of a sudden want to write in it all of the time.

but seriously. i wrote three blogs in less than two hours last night. that's weird.

i don't even know what i want to say. i just feel like writing.
so i'm sorry if this ends up just being pointless rambling.
although, that's usually how all of my posts turn out.

i really don't want summer to be over.
i really, really don't.
but it almost is.
so i'll get over it.
i'll be fine.

lately, i've been listening to a lot of stuff i haven't listened to in a long time.
like. today i listened to relient k. and jack johnson. and the lucksmiths. wth.
i honestly don't think i've listened to relient k or the lucksmiths since freshman year.
and i very, very rarely listen to jack johnson.
i've also been listening to the postal service.
i really don't know why i stopped.
and animal collective. and arcade fire.
that doesn't seem quite as unusual to me.

uhm. everyone should go see (500) days of summer.
reason being,
it's really, really great.
make sure you pay attention to the director's note at the beginning.
you'll laugh.

i'm in a really strange mood right now.
hence the excessive rambling.
i've been really happy.
except,
i keep second guessing myself.
which i'm pretty sure i don't need to do.
but i'm doing it anyway.
but yeah.
i guess i just do that.
i think that's normal.

it may not be normal.
sometimes i get confused about that.
this one time i was talking to jordan,
and i was telling her about a conversation/scenerio that i had played out in my head earlier in the day.
except,
she didn't know what i was talking about.
apparently it's not normal.
after thinking about it,
i realized that it's kind of like talking to myself.
except.
i do it inside my head.
and i'm pretty sure everyone talks to themself inside of their head.
because, isn't that what thinking is?
maybe it was only weird because i also think for other people when i play out conversations/scenerios in my head.
but, again.
i could be wrong.
i probably am wrong.
maybe i just think incorrectly or something.
it works for me though,
so. i'm okay with it.

i find people that need to know details about everyone's lives annoying.
i mean,
it's different,
when people care.
i just feel like some people only want to know so that they know.
which i don't think is okay.
but.
even when it's because they care,
i feel like there's a difference between liking
to hear about someone's life
and expecting
that you deserve to be told.

and i realize that the purpose of blogs is to let whoever wants to know
hear/read about personal things about yourself.
and i can't filter between readers that want to know because they care
and people that only read so that they know.
but still.
i realize that.
and i'm offering this information anyway.
so it's okay.

i feel like things are working out a lot better than i expected them to at first.
i was worried to see how people would react.
but.
the people i really, really care about,
have reacted well.
and i suppose i shouldn't have expected any less.
because,
if they really cared,
they would respect my decisions.
and they do.
and i'm glad.
so i've decided that i don't care about how anyone else reacts.
because these are my decisions.
and they really don't affect many other people.
i'm really only worried about one person's reaction.
because i'm pretty sure she doesn't know.
but i think she'll figure it out soon.
and she's the only one who really has any reason to be upset about it.
and i really like this person.
and i really don't want her to be upset with me.
but i figure it's almost unavoidable.
but hopefully it's only uncomfortable for a short while.
because, like i said,
i really like this person.
and i would enjoy it very much if she didn't decide to start hating me.
because that would be sad.
but. also.
i think she has a legitimate reason to be a little upset.
or uncomfortable.
about this situation.
so.
i guess we'll see.
what happens.
with that.

i started writing with nothing to say.
except then i found lots of things to say.
which is funny
because
sometimes,
that happens the opposite way.

i hope at least some of that made sense.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

the past is the past.

and today is today.

i need to remember that.

also.

i told you that i didn't write in my blog very often because i didn't have anything to say that i wouldn't say out loud.
well, i lied.
actually, i just changed my mind.
i have things to say, that i won't say
mostly because i know
if i say them
or even write them down,
things would change.
or, i would say something else,
and things would change more;
i don't want to mess this up.

so.

sometimes,
i do this thing.
i overthink things,
and make myself paranoid.
i've been doing better at avoiding this,
and i've been happy,
really happy.
but, right now,
for whatever reason,
i'm doing it again.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

http://mylifeisaverage.com/

Today, I thought someone was talking to me, so I responded. They looked at me wierd, and pointed at there Bluetooth. I returned the wierd look, and pointed at my ear. I didnt have a Bluetooth in, but he thought I did, and nodded. I still feel like I won. MLIA

Today, in Science class my teacher asked us what we thought of when we heard the word "evolution". I thought of Pokemon, but I didn't say anything. MLIA.

Today, I was watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I didnt want to look into the eyes of the snake so I wouldnt die. I accidently looked. I didnt die. MLIA

FOR ELIZABETH: Today, I announced to my friends at lunch that even though I'm a jock, I love to bake as well. The whole cafeteria didn't break into song. MLIA

FOR JORDAN: Today, I had a dream that my pet crocodile died. Then I woke up and remembered I don't own a crocodile. I still felt sad. MLIA

Today, I mixed my blue shampoo and pink conditioner together to see if it would still make purple. It did. MLIA

Today I was watching Dora the Explorer. When she asked me what my favorite part was, I said "The part where you died." She said "I liked that part too." I felt proud of myself for tricking her. MLIA

When I went to go see Harry Potter, Dumbledore said "You need a shave, Harry." I felt like Dumbledore was being a hypocrite. MLIA.

Today, I read a MLIA about someone who went to Wendy's and only got 9 chicken nuggets instead of 10. I just had Wendy's for lunch and got 11 chicken nuggets instead of ten. I felt like I stole their chicken nugget. I'm sorry. MLIA.

Today, I went to an amusement park. A song I knew started playing, so started to sing and dance along. I passed another girl doing the same thing. We gave each other a look of respect. MLIA.

Today, I was working as a lifeguard by letting kids go down a slide. The only way I would let them go was if they danced. All of them danced. MLIA.

Today, I was playing a board game with my family, and I was very upset that they had left me with the red game piece, since red is my least favorite color. I won, and quietly thanked my red piece, promising it I would never discriminate again. MLIA.

Today I was listening to my ipod while playing a game on the computer. The song I was listening to was recorded live and the crowd started cheering at the same time I won the game. I felt like they were cheering for me. MLIA

Today was my birthday. Some people that I don't like very well posted "happy birthday" on my facebook wall. I like them more now. MLIA.

Today in class this boy let out a really loud sneeze. A few minutes later I let out 2 silent sneezes that no one could hear. It assured me that between me and him, id make a better ninja. MLIA

Today, while I was on my computer, people were being noisy out in the hallway, so I wanted to shut my door. It was too lazy to get up so instead I opened the window. The breeze came in through the window and shut the door. I felt very clever. MLIA

Today, I noticed how stories on MLIA have way better grammar and spelling than FML and MLIG. It made me like my average life more. MLIA.

obviously, there are more.
go look for yourself.

http://mylifeisaverage.com/

Today, I thought someone was talking to me, so I responded. They looked at me wierd, and pointed at there Bluetooth. I returned the wierd look, and pointed at my ear. I didnt have a Bluetooth in, but he thought I did, and nodded. I still feel like I won. MLIA
Today, in Science class my teacher asked us what we thought of when we heard the word "evolution". I thought of Pokemon, but I didn't say anything. MLIA.

Today, I was watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I didnt want to look into the eyes of the snake so I wouldnt die. I accidently looked. I didnt die. MLIA

Monday, July 20, 2009

sometimes

sometimes, when i feel uncomfortable, everything i say comes out wrong. usually it comes out at least 10 times more awkward than i intended. this is problematic because it makes me and whoever else is part of the conversation feel exponentially more uncomfortable.

sometimes, it's really hard for me to hide what i'm feeling. other times, i'm really good at it.

sometimes, i learn new things about myself. for example, my fears. i've known i'm deathly and irrationally afraid of oppossums. on the other hand, i'm discovering that i'm also very afraid of letting others down, leading guys on, and losing friendships. for whatever reason, i'm also weirdly afraid of rape. in small town iowa?

sometimes, i lie to others about how i'm feeling. really, i'm just trying to convince myself.

sometimes, i overthink things i want to do or so. other times, i don't think about them enough.

sometimes, i change my mind very easily. other times, i'm really stubborn.

sometimes, i'm one way. other times, i'm another. don't worry, it doesn't make sense to me either.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

you know you're bored when...

you complete pointless surveys! yeah!

That fifteen people one...yeah.
1. Heidi
2. Sam Brooks
3. Matthew
4. Jordan Thomas
5. Jake
6. Sam Niles
7. Maggie
8. Nicole
9. Kim
10. Elizabeth
11. Mariah
12. Hannah
13. Jesse
14. Sam Dorrance
15. Kate Sinnot

1. How did you meet 1?
she moved in a couple houses away from me when we were five.

2. What would you do if you had never met 8?
study hall and drivers ed would have epic failed last year.
i wouldn't have an excuse for a possible roadtrip some year.

3. Would you date 2?
if i wanted to buy her lunch. =P

4. Have you ever seen 11 cry?
i'm not sure. if i have it was quite a while ago.

5.Would 3 and 13 be good friends for eachother?
hmm... quite possibly. they could make music or something.

6. Describe 9.
well, she's a ninja, she can read expressively about PMS, she's lots of fun.
we weren't really friends until this year.

7. Do you like 2?
of course.

8. Do you think 6 is attractive?
ha. she's in my phone as "Sam "Sexy" Niles", so yes. she's obviously sexy.

9. When was the last time you talked to 14?
last night.

10. Would you date 7?
nah.

11. Where does 15 live?
in waterloo. kind of by jake.

12. What is the best thing about 5?
i can talk to him about personal things and about the bigger picture.
we have fun.

13. What would you like to tell 13 right now?
we still have some of those strange looking muffins. o.O

14. What is the best thing about 10?
i really don't know her that well anymore.

15. Have you ever kissed 2?
no.

16. What's the best memory you have had with 14?
hmm... either our late night converstaion about today's culture or hanging out in my pasture with maggie, jake, kate, and matthew.

17. What is 10's best talent?
she's in dance.

18. Is 15 pretty?
yes

19. What was your first impression of 4?
she was a spaz, but don't tell mr. hovden i called her that. =P

20. How long have you been friends with 1?
since we were five.

21. Have you seen 5 in the last month?
yes.

22. When was the last time you saw 11?
school. =/

23. Have you ever been to 13's house?
yes

24. When is the next time you will see 9?
i'm not sure. =/ she's in camp until july. but i saw her last night.

25. Are you really close to 6?
sometimes. we try.

26. Would you hug 7?
of course.

27. Do you know a secret about 5?
probably a few.

28. Describe the relationship between 14 and 4.
uh...they dated once.

29. What's your friendship with 12 like?
she's my step-sister.

30. Have you ever danced with 7?
yes.

31. How do you know 12?
she's my step-sister. i was in play group with her older brother when she was a baby.

32. Does 2 have a bf/gf?
yes.

33. Have you ever wanted to smack 4 in the face?
i did once...sorry about that, jordan.

34. Has 11 met your mom?
yes.

35. Have you ever traveled with 10?
no where far away.

36. If 7 had $100 what would they spend it on?
lolla.

37. What's your best memory of 2?
hmm. there are lots. maybe driving around with her in cedar falls/waterloo when she first got her license. =]

39. What is the last thing you did with 15?
went on a walk in the dark with jake after maggie, sam, and matthew left.

40. When did you meet 6?
jr high, i believe.

41. How did you meet 8?
school? emily?

42. What is the funniest moment you've had with 3?
hmm. i'm not sure.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

change

i can only imagine the past that lies beyond my earliest memories.
i imagine can only imagine the way you once were.

you were strong: muscles clearly defined by your hard labors.
your hands were rough, like sandpaper: the result of years of hard work.
you were wise: you've gained experience throughout your lifetime.
you were a brother, a husband, a father.

i can faintly remember how you were in the past.
you were witty.
you craved sweets.
you were humorous.
you were wise.
you were a man of God.
and sometimes, you had a temper.
you were a brother, a husband, a father, and a grandfather.


i wish i could erase the image of how you are now from my mind.
you are afraid.
you are sick.
you are frail.
you cannot see.
you cannot remember.
you cannot understand.
you are hardly a brother; you are no longer a husband; you have no memory of your children or grandchildren.
you are alone; hiding somewhere in the depths of your mind.

Monday, June 15, 2009

oh, regina.

i'm so excited for her new album.
"Far" comes out on the twenty third, the tuesday before i leave for colorado, which means i'll be able to listen to it my whole drive and the trip! haha. i've been listening to some of the songs on youtube/myspace and they're pretty great. some of the songs on the album are some pretty old songs of hers that heidi had gotten off of limewire for me a while ago, but the versions are new. it's kind of weird. i can't decide if i like the album version or the origional version better... o.O but yes. i'm super excited.
my favorite song so far is "laughing with". it's about how people joke around about God, but when something serious happens, no one is laughing and everyone is just hoping he's there. i think she hit that right on. the lyrics are on the internet already if you want to see them. i'm too lazy to deal with reformatting the lyrics after copy and pasting them into this window. =P

Friday, June 12, 2009

negative nostalgia?

man, i'm feeling nostalgic right now.
i'm not sure it's really a good thing.
i mean, it makes me kind of sad and it gets me thinking about things i feel guilty for thinking about.
the thing is, it also makes me happy.
i'm sad that things are over, but i'm happy that they happened.
even though i feel a little guilty for thinking about all of it, i find myself putting myself into positions that will cause me to get like this over and over again.

according to urban dictionary, nostalgia is "A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past. OR The condition of being homesick; homesickness. "
bittersweet sounds about right to me.

nostalgia is nice.
you know, nostalgia is more than nice.
nostalgia is wonderful.
it's good to reflect on the past every once in a while.
it's natural to miss some of the things you've left behind.

the question is, how much is too much?

Thursday, June 11, 2009

i'msuperpumped!

so, i was taking a shower, right? [because hygiene is important to me. just not important enough for me to know how to spell it...]
but anyway, i came up with this thing, and then, i wrote it down, and THEN, i actually LIKED it.
you may not, but i think it's kind of profound, and i guess that's all that matters, right? that i like it?
but anyways. it's rather short, but i'm hoping i'll be able to build off of it later.

"We are blinded by our perscriptions; details become too defined. From far away, those details don't exist."

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

on second thought...

=]
?

frustration.

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Sunday, June 7, 2009

man, i'm such a hypocrite.

you know those things that bother you about yourself?
everyone has them.

there's just little things you feel inside that don't make sense to you


there are morals that you expect others, and yourself, to posess, but sometimes, you feel like you're straying away from those morals; it seems almost uncontrollable.

there's such a fine line; it makes it hard to know if you've crossed it.


it isn't right.
it isn't fair.
it's hypocritical.

itreallybothersmethatwedon'thangoutmore,eventhoughiknowthatisn'tfairtoyouandi'vebeenguiltyofthesamethinginthepast.sometimes,imisshimalot,andiknowishouldn't;ithoughtiwasoveritandiwasdonefeelinglikethis,buti'mnotsureireallyam,i'mnotsurei'lleverbe,andidon'tthinkthat'sfairtoyou.ireallylikeyou,butsometimesit'shardformetofeellikeyou'repartofmylife;whenyou'rethere,you'regenerallythere,butwhenyou'renotyou'regenerallynot;idon'tthinkthat'sfairtoyoueither,andican'tdecideifthat'sfairtome.wereallysuckatcommunication,andidon'tknowhowtogetbetteratit.sometimes,iwonderifthisisworthit;ifeelbadwondering,butiwantyoutoknow,ireallyhopethatitisworthitbecauseireallywantthistowork.thisisacrucialpointinourrelationship;rightnowwilldeterminifthiswillworkornot.iwanttohangout,youwanttohangout,ithinkweneedtohangout.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

my attempt.

these are my attempts at poetic descriptions/profound thoughts.
i really don't think they're all that poetic or profound, but i'm planning on keeping writing. the idea is i'll get better or something...

let me know what you think!

from above, Earth is nothing more than geometric shapes.

great distances fade into nothingness

streets work as grid lines; the buildings plot the points. we're constructing a graph. where will it lead us?

we follow a set course without knowledge of its endpoint

is the saying always question authority or never? i guess it depends on who you ask.

we hunger for control of things we cannot yet reach.

painting we words with vibrant colors, i want them seen from far away.

it doesn't seem fair; the hero always wins. trust me, i've seen it on TV.

everything looks different from above; quite different; unrecognizable to an untrained eye. perspective is more powerful than it would seem.

i used to be afraid of the dark. i now see it as only the absence of light.

These monuments are nothing more than marble and cement, but our ideals are secured inside. Our hope, our freedom, our patriotism: they stain every brick. One look can evoke a whole flood of emotion.

driving down a deserted road, bypasses by the highway long ago. A ghost town now, the Bates Hotel, guarded my a flock of birds.

The sensation of falling; we plunge into the water; chaos breaks, our air supply slowly diminishing; engulfed by our own mortality.

i have more, but i'm out of time.
i'll post more later.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

goals.

my goals for this week:
[ ] make chamber choir
[ ] do well on my semester tests
[ ] spend time studying things i need to; mainly, spanish, especially the speaking portion
[ ] don't spend to much time studying, and avoid worrying
[ ] stay out of any end of the year drama

my goals for this summer:
[ ] play belegarth
[ ] play ultimate frisbee
[ ] go camping
[ ] hang out with friends
[ ] hang out with family
[ ] listen to music
[ ] go to shows
[ ] go to LOLLA!
[ ] have adventures
[ ] write
[ ] start singing lessons with anna
[ ] take pictures with heidi
[ ] stay out late
[ ] drive to an unknown destination
[ ] find cool places to hang out
[ ] play with sidewalk chalk, bubbles, etc.
[ ] have a water fight
[ ] spend lots of time outside
[ ] find a job... o.O
[ ] drive up to cedar falls to visit jordan!
[ ] see nicole!
[ ] send letters/packages to my friends that are living at camp for the summer
[ ] go to/have parties
[ ] work on starting the "community"
[ ] avoid drama.

Friday, May 29, 2009

human nature

it is human nature to want to better yourself.
therefore, it is human nature to crave accomplishments.

everyone wants to be the first;
everyone wants to be the best;
everyone wants to be the most origional.
at least to some extent.


the problem is, this natural feeling is often taken out of control.

we will use extreme measures to reach our goals.
we step on those below us.
we claim things that do not belong to us.
we lie; we cheat; we steal;

sometimes, we hurt the only people who are still rooting for us.
sometimes, we take responsibility for words, actions, or accomplishments that were not ours at the start.
sometimes, we lose sight of what's important.

sometimes, we forget about all of the things we actually have accomplished.
sometimes, we forget about how we've gotten to where we are.
all of that ends up not even mattering anymore.
it is when that happens, that all of our real accomplishments cease to exist.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

change.

sifting through my cluttered mind
searching for the answers
i want to bring about change,
but i'm not sure how

you'll be leaving in the fall
hopefully all goes well
i'd hate to see you turn out like all the rest

working at their third rate jobs
grocery isles and convenience stores
it seems they've already given up

part of me still has hope
they can make it if they try
but it's doubtful that they'll make it on their own

when everyone's given up on them,
who do they have left to turn to?
no one will even give them a second glance

sifting through my cluttered mind
searching for the answers
i want to bring about change,
and i think i know how

what's been going through my head.

In 4 months, you'll be in college far away, and that's all I have to say.

you've got your whole life, don't you throw it away.

walk on, cause you can't go back now.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

the greatest feeling.

you know that feeling you get when you're having a really great, meaningful conversation with someone?
you feel like you have a really strong connection with them, even for just a second, even if you've barely met.

i know the feeling.
it's one of the best in the world.

i wish i could feel that way more often.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

sidenote

also, i'm sorry for my religious rantings.
you really don't have to read it. (i didn't origionally write it to be read by other people)
i just posted it in case you care or you happen to find that sort of thing to be interesting.

i don't mean to offend anyone who has different views. (duh)
just yeah. pretty much, don't read it if you're easily offended by others' religious beliefs.

what i believe

*gasp* brianne is writing a blog that isn't related to music? i know, i know, you should be proud of me.

but anyway.

i've been thinking a lot about religion lately. i've noticed myself questioning some rules/practices of the church lately, so i decided it was a good time to try to iron out my beliefs. i basically just did a quick freewrite last night (yes, it actually only took me about a half hour to write all of this out). i wasn't sure if i was going to post it or not because it's pretty personal, but what the heck.

keep in mind. this is a freewrite. not edited or anything.




My Take on Religion

Why do people feel the need for religion?

People feel a need to live for something/someone. People need something/someone they can always count on. People feel the need to look to something/someone for guidance. People also need something to help them not fear death.



My Religion

I’m a Christian, but I don’t really consider that to be a “religion”.

I really hate the word "religion". When people think of religion (especially people that don't consider themselves to be "religious"), they generally think of a bunch of pointless rules. A religion seems to call for a set way of doing thing. I believe that there is no right or wrong way to follow Jesus. He died for our sins. All we have to do to get to heaven is believe in him; it says so in the Bible. So, does the trinity exist? Is baptism necessary? Should we pray to Mary? I don’t know the answers to any of those questions. Different sects of Christianity have come up with so many different rules and practices that we’ve all lost track of which rules/practices came out of the Bible and which ones some higher up in the church decided to put into place him or herself. No one takes the time to question the purpose of these rules/practices; everyone just accepts them as “God’s will”. The Bible tells us human beings are sinful by nature. Can we trust another human being to tell us which rules/practices are “God’s will” and which ones aren’t?

Christianity isn’t about following a bunch of rules. Christianity is about following Jesus’ example. I’ve been told by one of my friends that they don’t want to choose to follow a certain religion because it comes with too much baggage. They feel that if they decided to become a Christian they would have to start changing they’re life. They’d have to become anti-abortion, which would lead them to becoming a Republican, etc. The thing is, CHRISTIANITY HAS NO REQUIRMENTS! All you have to do is choose to follow Jesus. The idea is, after you accept him into your life, you’ll WANT to change. God doesn’t want to force you into believing anything; he allowed Satan to introduce sin into our world so we would be able to choose to do the right thing. You can choose to follow Jesus and still be pro-choice; you can follow him and be a Democrat; you can be for gay marriage; you can stand for whatever you want. Not all Christians are the white Republican dentists that live in the fancy housing developments and make phone calls to our Senators lobbying against gay rights. If after you become Christian, you decide to look into some of his beliefs, that’s your decision. Don’t let the church manipulate your beliefs.

Another thing is, you don’t have to go to church to be a Christian. You can worship God wherever you are. The problem with going to church is that it is very easy to choose the wrong one. You can find yourself surrounded by people who think entirely differently than you do. There are thousands of extremely conservative churches out there who think that everyone needs to vote the same way they do, believe they same thing they do, and act the way they pretend they do. Don’t write off all Christians because of these churches. For example, I usually go to services at Heartland Vineyard in Cedar Falls. Our pastor preaches about how Christianity is not about set rules but a relationship, just like I was talking about earlier. Sure, he sometimes says things I don’t agree with, but he also talks a lot about things I really do agree with. In fact, I’d say I agree with most of what he talks about. They’re also very compassionate and work hard to help out others in the community and around the world, which I think is important. It’s all about finding the right church for you.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Arcade Fire

The Arcade Fire is an indie rock band from Canada. The first of their songs I heard was Neighborhood 3 (Power Out). It's a really good song, you should check it out. When Jake gave me the album Neon Bible, I had pretty high expectations. Neon Bible didn't quite live up to those expectations, but I still liked some of the songs. After that, I "gave up" on Arcade Fire in a way. I mean, I still liked them, and I still loved the song Neighborhood 3, but I never really got into them. A little while later, Jake gave me the album Funeral. It's ten times better than Neon Bible, in my opinion. It's the album Neighborhood 3 is on [still one of my favorite Arcade Fire songs]. Worth listening too.



The album is very emotional. Partially because many members of the band had deaths in their family during the writing/recording. The emotion is genuine. Maybe that's what makes the album so great.

Here are some of the reviews of Funeral:

Metacritic.com gave it a 90/100, while their users gave the album a 9.4/10.

Tiny Mix Tapes: 100/100 "One of the best albums of the year, hands down."
Drowned In Sound: 100/100 "Encompassing chamber pop melodies, angular art-rock, lavish orchestration and post-punk vocals, its sheer sonic size and ambition goes some way towards justifying the amount of gushing praise that's been heaped upon this album since its September release on Merge last year. The fact that the music is so paradoxically life-affirming and euphoric makes it much easier to write, what now feel like, trite hyperboles."

The Guardian: 100/100 "One of the year's best already, by a mile."
Dot Music: 100/100 "“Funeral” is the sort of perfectly-realised record you’d hope from a band at the top of their game. For a debut release it’s unmatched in recent years. Hearing it is to wake from a black and white slumber and to view the world in widescreen Technicolour. "
No Ripcord: 90/100 "Not only are the songs uniformly excellent, they also show a mastery of the art of controlled dynamics, of tension and release, that most young bands ignore to pursue the catharsis of sustained intensity. "

Village Voice: 90/100 "Funeral is a remarkable record, hard to hear at first, then hard to stop hearing."
cokemachineglow: 90/100 "Funeral... is a resounding success on all levels---the group clearly able to make something incredible out of the familiar, and something inexplicably moving out of one emotionally draining year. "

The New York Times: 80/100 "One of the year's best indie-rock albums."

The Onion (A.V. Club): 70/100 "Funeral's layering of sound and wide-eyed posing can be overly dense, and though the band utilizes nice melodies and lively arrangements, the nostalgia-steeped-indie-rock-orchestra pool was pretty much drained before The Arcade Fire dove in. "
The entire album consists of beautifully written lyrics. The song In The Backseat is the only song on the album that is sung entirely by their female vocalist, and the lyrics are as beautifully written as all of the others.

I like the peace
in the backseat,
I don't have to drive,
I don't have to speak,
I can watch the country side,
and I can fall asleep.
My family tree's
losing all its leaves,
crashing towards the driver's seat,
the lightning bolt made enough heat
to melt the street beneath your feet.
Alice died
in the night,
I've been learning to drive.
My whole life,
I've been learning.
I like the peace
in the backseat,
I don't have to drive,
I don't have to speak,
I can watch the country side

Alice died
in the night,
I've been learning to drive.
My whole life,
I've been learn----Oh....

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Matt and Kim

A couple of months ago, Evan told me about a band called Matt and Kim. I decided to check them out, and I bought their newest album, Grand.
Matt and Kim according to wikipedia:

Matt and Kim is a punk/dance duo from Brooklyn, New York, formed in 2004 by Matt Johnson (vocals/keyboards) and Kim Schifino (drums/vocals). The two met while attending the Pratt Institute in Brooklyn and started playing local warehouse shows in Brooklyn. Their simple, dance style rhythms and energetic performances have gained them a substantial local following and a formidable online presence through social networking and media sites like YouTube and MySpace. The group released their first full-length, self-titled CD on record label and media group "Iheartcomix", in October, 2006. Matt & Kim is in the Summer 2007 line-up for the Siren Music Festival, a free music concert held in Brooklyn, on Coney Island, and in the Chicago fest Lollapalooza. They have appeared on MTV2 as program hosts. Their music video for "Yea, Yeah" has also been shown on the station, and the video for "5K" has been shown on MTV Europe but was said to be too violent for the US. Their second album Grand was released on January 20, 2009 on Fader Label. They have a DIY attitude towards their music. [1] They also have a wide-ranging musical taste, including top 40 hip hop. [2]

They're pretty fun and upbeat. They're definately not my favorite, but I think that has more to do with me preferring other music genres over this. They're worth a look.


One of my favorite songs off of the album was Lessons Learned. I couldn't find the lyrics online, but I did find a music video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlXDFGgMCL0
enjoy.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

updates.

so. i realize my last couple posts have been song lyrics. i also realize that i rarely post even that.
i think i'm going to start regularly posting song lyrics, but i'll try to talk about the album/artist a little bit. i don't know how much any of you will enjoy it, but hopefully it will give you ideas for new music? and i'll have some fun with it. so yes.

i suppose this can be my first one.

I've been listening to a lot of Streetlight Manifesto lately. They play "ska punk" music.
This is how Wikipedia defines "ska punk"
Ska punk is a fusion music genre that combines ska and punk rock. Ska punk achieved its greatest popularity in the United States in the late 1990s, although there has also been a following worldwide. Several ska punk bands achieved mainstream commercial success, which in some cases continued into the 2000s.
The characteristics of ska punk vary, due to the fusion of contrasting genres. The more punk- influenced style often features faster
tempos, guitar distortion, onbeat punk-style interludes (usually the chorus), and nasal, gruff or shouted vocals. The more ska-influenced style of ska punk features a more developed instrumentation and a cleaner vocal and musical sound. The common instrumentation includes electric guitar, bass guitar, drums, brass instruments (such as saxophones, trombones or trumpets), and sometimes an organ.
Don't let their definition scare you off. This is not screamo music. It's probably different than anything else you listen to, but I think you should definately try it. Obviously, I have some of their music, so let me know if you'd like to listen to them.
I've been mainly, if not only, listening to their first album, Everything Goes Numb. One of my favorite songs off of the album [I really like the lyrics] is A Moment of Silence.

A moment of silence, please, for those who never get the chance
They show up to the party, but they're never asked to dance
The losers, the liars, the bastards, the thieves
The cynicists, the pessimists, and those that don't believe in nothing
I never met a loser that I didn't see eye-to-eye with, I declare
I stare into your eyes
But you look right past me into the air
What's it like to stand in your shoes?
To have never felt the belt of somebody's abuse?
I take the bottle and I tip it to all my heroes that have passed
Alas, you have left us, but your stories they will last
Uninspired by the recruiting call
Independent we stand
Independent we fall
So tell me: how long do you think you can go before you lose it all?
Before they call you bluff and watch you fall?
I don't know, but I'd like to think I had control
At some point, but I let it go and lost my soul
Sit tight, but the revolution's years away
I'm losing faith and I'm running low on things to say
So, I guess I have no choice but to regurgitate
The tired anthem of a loser and a hypocrite
Oh! To have died that night, I realized it wouldn't last
Our days were numbered and the reaper tipped the hourglass
The final mayday of our sinking ship had come and passed
Oh! To the west, you don't know what it is you're running from
And everybody's laughing loud
Your last chance to make your mother and your father proud
Oh, oh, oh...
A moment of silence, please, for those who never get the chance
They show up to the party, but they're never asked to dance
The losers, the liars, the bastards, the thieves
The cynicists, the pessimists, and those that don't believe in nothing
They said "a pox,
Upon your house,
Upon your family and everyone you ever knew
And everyone you'll ever meet"
I bet they think we wish we joined when we could
But we do what we want, we don't do what we should
Now, everybody's laughing, 'cause they're thinking they're in on something I don't get
Don't forget
I connect and I read every word you said
Like a child who believes he was wronged
If you hate me so much, then stop singing my songs
So tell me: how long do you think you can go before you lose it all?
Before they call you bluff and watch you fall?
I don't know, but I'd like to think I had control
At some point, but I let it go and lost my soul
Sit tight, but the revolution's years away
I'm losing faith and I'm running low on things to say
So, I guess I have no choice but to regurgitate
The tired anthem of a loser and a hypocrite
Oh! To have died that night, I realized it wouldn't last
Our days were numbered and the reaper tipped the hourglass
The final mayday of our sinking ship had come and passed
Oh! To the west, you don't know what it is you're running from
And everybody's laughing loud
Your last chance to make your mother and your father proud
Oh, oh, oh...

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

our love is all we have.

Jesus, don't cry
You can rely on me honey
You can combine anything you want

I'll be around
You were right about the stars
Each one is a setting sun

Tall buildings shake
Voices escape singing sad sad songs
Tuned to chords strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit around

Don't cry
You can rely on me honey
You can come by any time you want

I'll be around
You were right about the stars
Each one is a setting sun

Tall buildings shake
Voices escape singing sad sad songs
Tuned to chords strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit around

Voices whine
Skyscrapers are scraping together
Your voice is smoking
Last cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit around

Our love
Our love
Our love is all we have

Our love
Our love is all of God's money
Everyone is a burning sun

Tall buildings shake
Voices escape singing sad sad songs
Tuned to chords strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit around

Voices whine
Skyscrapers are scraping together
Your voice is smoking
Last cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit around

Last cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit around
Last cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit around

jesus, etc. by wilco

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Bowl of Oranges

The rain had started tapping
On the window near my bed
There was a loophole in my dreaming
So I got out of it
And to my surprise my eyes were wide
And already open
Just my nightstand and my dresser
Where those nightmares had just been

So I dressed myself and left then
Out into the gray streets
But everything seemed different
Completely new to me
The sky, the trees, houses, buildings
Even my own body
And each person I encountered
I couldn't wait to meet

And I came upon a doctor
Who appeared in quite poor health
I said, "There's nothing I can do for you
You can't do for yourself"
He said, "Oh, yes you can, just hold my hand
I think that that would help
"So I sat with him a while
And I asked him how he felt
He said, "I think I'm cured
No, in fact I'm sure of it
Thank you stranger
For your theraputic smile"

So that's how I learned the lesson
That everyone's alone
And your eyes must do some raining
If you're ever gonna grow
When crying don't help, you can't compose yourself
It's best to compose a poem
An honest verse of longing
Or a simple song of hope

That's why I'm singing, baby, don't worry
Because now I've got your back
And every time you feel like crying
I'm gonna try to make you laugh
And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad
Then we'll wait for it to pass
And I will keep you company
Through those days so long and black

We'll keep working on the problem
We know we'll never solve
Of love's uneven remainders
Our lives are fractions of a whole
But if the world could remain within a frame
Like a painting on a wall
Then I think we'd see the beauty then
And stand staring in awe
At our still lives posed
Like a bowl of oranges
Like a story told
By the fault lines in the soil

Bowl of Oranges - Bright Eyes